


Skies I'm Under

by TheBlindBandit



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Gem Fusion, Gem War, Homeworld Hierarchy, Jealousy, Pearl Solidarity, Pearl/Space, Poly Bisexual Rose Quartz, Polyamory, Pre-Series, Serial Humanizer Rose Quartz, Technician Pearl, Worldbuilding, mass-produced pearls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3776827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlindBandit/pseuds/TheBlindBandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose leads, Pearl follows. A look at the Rebellion through Pearl's eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rose Quartz has a garden

It wasn't an assignment she'd expected, or one she wanted, at all, but she wasn't exactly given much of a choice - an assistant technician position for an operation establishing Gem presence on a backwater, unpopulated planet directly prior to exploitation. She'd worked maintenance all her life, and she'd crewed ships for fairly long journeys, but always to safe, sanitized, Gem-controlled ports of call.

It seemed almost like a punishment. And perhaps it was, or perhaps she was just an embarrassment they wanted out of sight.

Either way, the morning saw her pack a few meagre belongings and board a mass transport headed for a place called Earth, farther away from home than she’d ever been.

-

The planet, however, was nothing like what any of them had been told to expect. For one, it wasn’t unpopulated - far from it. It was lush and green and teeming with life, and it seemed determined to fight back against all of their construction efforts.

And then there were the humans.

Surely, Pearl thought, there were protocols for this, legislation that demanded all Kindergarten scouting procedures, no matter how nascent, be stopped in the event of sentient life. But for all that their commander Rose Quartz sent reports and enquiries and carefully worded complaints back to Homeworld, no order to cease came. She shifted construction and production priorities to warp pads, which nobody could really argue against, and temples, which both the general workforce and the higher-ups were too thankful for to cause complaints or even doubts as to their commander’s motives.

The work they had Pearl doing was rather pedestrian, but it wasn’t bad, in general, and certain aspects of it could occasionally even be considered interesting. She wasn’t exactly popular among her co-workers and the Emerald who acted as her direct superior seemed very fond of shutting down her suggestions as outlandish or unnecessary, but this was already par for the course, and Pearl didn’t think much of it all.

She went to the Lunar Sea Spire whenever she felt homesick or even stranded, which she wryly noticed happened more and more often as the days went on. The Spire was truly awe-inspiring, especially for something built so quickly, and an impressive testament to Gem culture, knowledge, and skill. Pearl liked climbing the many stairs to the Spire’s very top, the better to enjoy the spectacular view of the countless constellations completely new to her, wondering what wonders could be hiding among them. Sometimes, when the moonlight wasn't too bright, she blotted out the view of the sky and projected a different set of far more familiar stars to sit under and gaze at.

-

Tucked away in a valley not far from their next planned expansion point, Rose Quartz had a garden. And for some reason entirely unfathomable to Pearl, this was where she chose to conduct all her personnel meetings.

Pearl came to her appointment deliberately early, then stood by the garden entrance, trying to keep her fidgeting to a minimum. It was hard, considering all the many, many scenarios running through her mind explaining just why the awe-inspiring Rose Quartz herself had asked her to come, ranging from probable to probably outlandish. But she wanted to keep up some sort of cool, collected and highly professional image, at least for their first official meeting. It was probably mostly for naught, seeing as how she almost fell over herself when a surprisingly loud, warm voice suddenly came from the garden entrance behind her. “Oh, there you are! Come in, come in. You should have just called out to me, I was right over there by the bushes and didn’t hear you arrive.”

“But I was early to the appointment,” Pearl stammered out, trying to calm down her completely unnecessary breathing, “I wouldn’t want to disturb you.”

“Oh, I wasn’t doing anything important, you’re not interrupting. And really, even if you were, no reason to have you just waiting around like this – you could have at least made yourself comfortable inside while I finished.”

Pearl had no answer to that, so she just followed Rose inside. The garden, if it could be called that, seemed less a garden and more simply a fenced off bit of wilderness – there was nothing outwardly tended, or tamed, or Gem-made about it at all. Still, Rose had called it a garden, so Pearl went along with this rather incomprehensible designation. It really seemed Rose Quartz was nothing if not determined to be the most unconventional commander of any Gem operation or project Pearl had ever heard of.

“Here, sit down,” Rose settled down on one of the smaller green rises overlooking a clearing, arranging the seemingly endless waves of her white dress around her, and patted the ground next to where she sat. “This grass is very soft. I wanted to ask you some things.”

“Well, you should be able to see my service file in the database, and I made sure to submit an updated record-”

“Oh, no, I’ve read all the files, and your most recent reports. I’m really impressed with your proposal for the communications hub! Please rest assured I read and deeply appreciate suggestions for future development, especially when they come from obviously knowledgeable Gems such as yourself.”

Pearl bit her lip to prevent any… undignified sounds from escaping. It had taken her a full month to gather up the courage to send in a document outlining some of her ideas, and she’d even done it behind her immediate superior’s back – mostly because she was convinced if she’d gone through the proper channels, her message would have been discarded quickly enough, certainly never reaching Rose Quartz herself. She gazed down, blue-faced, at where her long fingers were tangling in the grass – it really _was_ soft – and smiled, as Rose continued. “Your ideas are wonderful, and your daily performance is impressive as well, the reports make this clear enough. But what I wanted was to talk to _you_.”

So they talked. Pearl found, to her amazement, that the gentle, encouraging prompts and brief questions Rose provided soon left her feeling far less nervous and tense than she’d been when she’d entered the garden, and much freer with her words. They discussed everything, from the final touches currently being applied to the newly-constructed Homeworld warp, to the planned communication system overhaul and maintenance schedule on all temple spires.

“Tell me, Pearl,” Rose began during a slight lull in their conversation, “what did you do in your spare time back home?”

It was one of the most unusual questions Pearl had ever heard from a superior. As if there was anything usual in the situation she found herself in with Rose, really - but this was what she chose to focus on. “Well, I fixed things,” she began, somewhat hesitantly, “and sometimes I... made things. Not like you make things here, not... not _living_ things. But. Small things.”

“Small things?” Rose was smiling down at her, and Pearl focused on that smile, that expression, meeting Rose's eyes with a straightforward determination unusual for her. Yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a single hint of derision, or contempt, or anything even slightly mean-spirited or mocking about Rose.

Rose actually and genuinely _liked_ her and was interested in her. It was... new, and refreshing.

“Tell me about your small things, then.”

“There is, um, a Speeder,” Pearl faltered, clearing her throat completely unnecessarily and trying to get her rushing thoughts in order.

“Please,” Rose urged her gently, “I'd love to hear about it.”

This seemed enough to finally snap Pearl out of her block and launch her into explaining - one of her favourite activities, even if it did tend to be so very unappreciated and didn’t exactly endear her to others. But really, it wasn’t Pearl’s fault people simply didn’t like listening, and Rose was right here and actually _asking_ her things, so obviously she wanted to hear what Pearl had to say.

“Right, well, there is a Speeder model I've just started working on? It's an XR-3, actually, and I've had some trouble finding accurate references since it's such an outdated ship line. In all honesty, I think my scale might be a bit off, I'll really have to look into it when I get back. I did do an excellent job on the starboard thrusters, if I do say so myself! There's this pair of stabiliser plugs that sit at a strange angle, and cross over some wiring, and- really, it's all a bit difficult to explain like this, here, I'll show you-”

Pearl honestly thought nothing of the tiny holographic projection of various schematics she called up to better illustrate her impromptu lecture, nor did she think the 3D scan of the half-finished ship model her gem was now showing was particularly impressive. Rose seemed taken by it, though, to the point of clapping her hands in delight when Pearl made its little simulated engines ignite and glow in something resembling a take-off sequence.

“Oh,” Rose gasped, her voice sinking to an excited whisper, “can you make it fly?”

“Well, if I widen the beam, it shouldn't be a problem-” Pearl focused on her gem briefly, feeling the familiar mild tingle in her forehead as the holographic field expanded to include a miniature city skyline. The tiny Speeder launched soundlessly, whizzing over the recreated rooftops and spires of the view from Pearl's single capsule window back home, as true to life as she could make it purely from memory.

“Its propulsion systems leave much to be desired, sadly,” she commented, adding a bit of stutter to the bright blue jet trails left behind the ship as it completed a loop and zig-zagged through a few tight turns, “but I think its manoeuvrability remains unmatched in the low-cost R-3 line. True, I only got to fly on board an XR-3 the one time, but it was quite an enjoyable experience. It's such a shame the entire series was retired due to a few defective models, I-”

The little ship was just about to reach the zenith of its trajectory when the projection shook and suddenly blinked out.

“I'm sorry,” Pearl cut herself off and laughed awkwardly, her demeanour otherwise subdued, “I must be boring you by now. I get a bit... detailed and technical in my explanations sometimes.”

“No, no, no, on the contrary! You talk wonderfully. It is all very interesting, and it's clear you're very knowledgeable on the subject.”

“R-really?” Pearl was certain her face was taking on a rather unsightly tinge of blue again. But Rose sounded genuine and almost offended on Pearl's behalf to hear such criticism, even if it came from Pearl herself.

“Yes! And you are a joy to watch – so very animated, and so very much in love with the field! I'd be ready to call it inspirational.”

Pearl tried to stammer out a reply around the sudden lock in her throat, but failed miserably. Rose's kind smile widened. “I'd like to make you my chief engineer.”

-

The communications hub was completed, and extensive testing proved it easily outperformed all expectations.

Still no answer came from Homeworld.

Rose soon had them refining and expanding the domestic warp, and Pearl found that plotting out warp pad distribution for optimal coverage wasn’t nearly as easy as it seemed.

Somehow, in the midst of it all, her talks with Rose became a regular occurrence, shifting from official reports to her superior, to spending time with someone Pearl was ready to call a friend. And although she couldn’t quite understand what Rose found so amazing about the Earth, or why she took such an interest in the humans’ (admittedly rather rapid) development, she felt determined to stand by Rose’s side in her efforts to ensure they all had the chance to find out.

The feeling that bloomed in Pearl’s chest whenever she listened to Rose describe her latest Earth- or human-related discovery, eyes filled with genuine wonder and glee, was something no hologram or words could accurately portray. Upon minor reflection, Pearl found she firmly believed that if the joy the Earth brought Rose felt like even a fraction of this, then the planet was undoubtedly worth protecting.

-

“…and besides, triggering the end of the incubation period early, as I’ve seen outlined in the original plans, would substantially increase risk of corruption for all newly produced Gems. This is completely inadvisable and moreover unnecessary – the entire project has been mismanaged from the planning stage, and I am doing my best to make something of it. I can understand you disagreeing with my methods, but I cannot have you undermining my efforts like this. I am sending you back to Homeworld as soon as the warp is active again, since I cannot currently spare a ship to take you.”

From her vantage point near the entrance of the garden, Pearl couldn’t see who it was Rose was talking to. She sounded… angry, yes, but mostly disappointed, and Pearl had never felt more like an unwanted intruder. She turned and left as quickly as she could without drawing too much attention to herself, and spent the rest of the night berating herself for being a coward.

-

Rose Quartz was being reassigned.

The news spread like wildfire, drawing dramatic reactions both from her supporters and her critics. The many complaints she'd sent to Homeworld weren't being ignored after all, it seemed, only the end effect wasn’t the one she’d desired. She was to come home and give her reports in person, while another Gem took over operations crucial for the construction of the first Kindergarten on Earth. There would be no break, and no more possibility of stalling production.

There was also an entire fleet coming to support and supply the Kindergarten effort.

“I had hoped they would listen,” Rose sighed, sitting with Pearl in what had become their habitual spot, after the latter had come running to her openly distraught. “I've known them for so long, and yet, still, I had such high hopes...”

“Well, now you have a chance to go and convince them in person, at least.”

“Oh, Pearl. If only that was how it worked. No, they don’t want to hear me out – I’ve made my intentions quite clear. They just want to get me out of their way.”

Pearl shuddered at the thought. She’d never seen a Kindergarten in person, but just reading what incubating thousands and thousands of Gems could potentially do to a planet had left her feeling vaguely ill. The Earth’s naturally occurring tectonic disturbances were bad enough – the damage even one grown batch could cause would be disastrous.

“I won’t let them.”

The proclamation was sudden, and the intensity of the determination Pearl could sense emanating from Rose was impressive. “What… what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to stay, and if they want me off this project, they can come here to discuss it in person.”

“Then I’m staying with you,” Pearl blurted out almost immediately and without thinking. She knew she sounded overeager, but her voice didn’t tremble and her ever-nervously fussing hands were stilled in her lap, hopefully giving credence to her determination and dedication.

“I can’t do this to you,” Rose answered her sadly. “There is a very good chance this will become very dangerous, very soon. And besides, I don’t think you were eager to come to Earth, or that you are particularly fond of the place. I would think you'd want to go back home as soon as possible – and I don't want to stand in the way of your comfort and happiness.”

 _Comfort and happiness._ Pearl looked up, and briefly wondered when those two terms had become so intimately intertwined with the name _Rose Quartz_ in her mind.

“Well,” Pearl barked out a surprisingly sharp laugh, feeling a strange surge of anger she couldn’t bite back combine with bitter self-pity, “I wasn’t eager, but they didn’t exactly seem to want me there anymore - so why would _you_ want me with you? You told me once you read all the records you got. Well, then you couldn’t possibly have missed the designation of _Defective_ they took great care to stamp all over mine! It was very silly of me to assume, obviously, that the great Rose Quartz would have use for my… help… such as it is-”

“Don’t say such things!” Rose interrupted her sternly, and Pearl immediately regretted every word she’d so unthinkingly let spill out of her mouth. “I won’t have you, or anyone, believe that awful garbage. Nothing about you makes you inherently worse or less valuable than anyone else.”

She was gripping Pearl by the shoulders now, not unkindly, but it felt as if she was trying to physically make the words she’d just spoken take root.

“I was never meant for this,” Pearl said quietly, looking anywhere but at Rose herself. “Pearls don’t make important decisions and command Gems. We- we fix things, and…”

“Well, then. You can help me fix this planet.”


	2. Rose Quartz loves everyone and everything

As the simple disagreement over managing a Kindergarten she’d originally thought she was getting marginally involved in turned out to be a rapidly escalating conflict beyond the scale of anything Pearl – and possibly many of the others – had imagined, she found what Rose wanted of her took a turn away from engineering and dipped more and more into strategy and battle tactics, both of which Pearl took to immensely.

Rose stopped her one day after one of what some had jokingly (and in rather poor taste, Pearl thought) taken to calling their “war room” meetings. Taking her by the hand, she led Pearl into one of the spare rooms of their makeshift base, built out of leftover parts of modular worker shacks.

A Gem was waiting for them there, a tall and imposing one with a calm but dangerous air about her, unfamiliar to Pearl. She’d been leaning against the wall, arms crossed over her chest, but she immediately straightened up at the sight of Rose, adjusting the large visor-like covering she wore.

“Pearl,” Rose spoke cordially, “I’d like to introduce you to Garnet.”

The Gem in question raised a hand in greeting – and upon seeing dark red gems on both her palms, something clicked in Pearl’s mind.

“Fascinating! So you’re a fusion? That must be why I didn’t recognise you. You’d be…” she took another look at the Gem before her and quickly mentally browsed through the recruit lists Rose had her keep- well, Rose didn’t exactly _tell_ her to, but Pearl felt better keeping track of who was openly on their side, “Ruby and Sapphire, correct?”

“I prefer Garnet,” the Gem said simply.

“Oh, of course, of course. A pleasure to meet you, Garnet.”

“I brought you here because I want you to learn how to defend yourself, just in case,” Rose continued once all the introductions were out of the way. “I know you couldn’t have been taught more than the basics of summoning and using your weapon back home, and Garnet here is an excellent fighter – one of the best we have. I would like the two of you to work together and figure out something that suits you, Pearl. I won’t have you in this mess unprepared.”

The plan seemed sound, and Pearl found Garnet agreeable enough.

Rose left them to it with another quiet _Just in case_.

-

_“_ It is imperative that we take the Temple.”

“I agree,” Pearl nodded thoughtfully, straightening out a folded corner of the rather crude shoreline map Rose had brought back from a nearby human village, then grimacing at the stains the parchment left on her fingertips. “We cannot allow its pocket dimension to fall into Homeworld hands – we’re disadvantaged enough by the sheer difference in numbers as it is. Not to mention the Temple’s value as a symbol. The first Gem structure built on Earth, turned main headquarters and sanctuary for the rebels defending the planet? The message this would send would be very powerful.”

“That is a wonderful bit of thinking.”

Pearl beamed and allowed herself a moment to bask in Rose’s compliment, before continuing the briefing. “This,” she pointed at a slowly rotating projection coming from her gem, showing a small, round, and rather unassuming device, “is a prototype of a hyperdimensional multi-channel portal seal. It is still in rather early stages of development, but it will suit our purposes. If activated close enough to it, it will envelop the Temple’s pocket dimension, making it only accessible to the bearers of gems the seal was specifically keyed to – in this case, only Rose Quartz, but with additional development it will be able to include several others.”

Her captive audience consisted not only of Rose herself, which came as no surprise, and Garnet seemingly casually leaning against the wall in one of the corners of the room but listening with rapt interest, but several other members of Rose’s inner circle as well. To see a high-ranking Bismuth hanging onto her every word, right alongside the Emerald who’d once been her superior, made Pearl feel vaguely giddy, and truly proud of herself.

“Someone will need to carry the portal seal up there, and activate it,” she went on. “We only get one shot at this – the seal is volatile and highly experimental technology, and once started, the process can’t be stopped. Whoever carries it has to make sure it’s not wasted, otherwise this will all have been for nothing.”

Pearl hesitated a moment, before finally sharing the decision she’d made the night before after many a calculation and rejected hypothetical scenario. “I suggest I take it myself. We can encase it in a Rose Quartz bubble, and I’ll store it in my gem.”

“But that’s-”

“That’s the safest way,” Pearl insisted.

“I agree,” Garnet spoke up – an occurrence rare enough to cause heads to immediately turn towards her. “Rose obviously trusts Pearl, and she knows how to operate the device better than any of us. Start the battle, and once Homeworld forces have been drawn away, she can make it to the top of the hill.”

Pearl felt an extremely heavy hand clamp down on her shoulder – but where there could have been discomfort was only a solid sense of reassurance. “I’ll go with her,” Garnet said, now standing by her side, “to keep her safe.”

-

She had been hesitant about coming here, but with Rose gone the only other option would have been endless fretting over well-laid plans. She’d never been good at socialising with other Gems, and it wasn’t something she minded or felt her life particularly lacked. It usually only ended in unnecessary trouble.

It seemed tonight was to be no exception. An overly aggressive Topaz apparently took issue with the “preferential treatment” Pearl was receiving and the way she “put on airs”.

Really, Pearl thought, it wasn’t putting on airs if it was obviously true.

“Rose Quartz loves everyone and everything,” the Topaz turned to insisting, annoyingly loudly.

_But she loves **me** best. _ Pearl wisely kept to herself, but only with a considerable effort.

“You’re nothing special, stop deluding yourself,” the Topaz seemed determined to continue. “She devotes as much love and attention to those pink bushes in her garden as she does to the likes of you.”

“That’s not true!” Pearl finally burst out angrily, even though she knew it was a bad idea. “She trusts me, and tells me very important things-”

“So she uses you as a walking holo-recorder, big deal. I guess you’re good for reciting personal appointments on demand. Get over yourself, you’re no better or more important than the rest of us.”

It was all untrue, and patently ridiculous, of course, and Pearl _knew_ this. While her physical strength and constitution did leave a lot to be desired, she more than made up for it by being clever and quick. Her strategies and plans ranged from astoundingly intricate and complex to marvellously efficient and simple, and both had brought her success. Rose herself had called her special, and precious, and wonderful, even irreplaceable, and she had done so enough times that Pearl finally felt close to believing her. Rose wouldn’t lie to her. Rose loved her. Rose was patient with her and always, always listened to her- and what did this runt even know?

And yet the words pricked at her like so many burning little barbs, staying with her long after most of the troops had retired for the evening. Some had taken up the strange human habit of sleeping, while others merely wished to set their belongings and affairs in order before the call came to move out. The Topaz that had been so keen on upsetting her earlier had left not long after their argument.

Pearl remained sitting in the same spot, her legs folded under her to somewhat still her fidgeting. The old, ugly worries started milling around in her head again – what if Rose found someone better, smarter, more adjusted to life on Earth, what if she _did_ end up being replaced? Pearl kept glancing over to where Rose sat mingling with the newest recruits, working her inimitable brand of magic on everyone and helping morale soar. The battle tomorrow would be a turning point for the Rebellion, no matter how it ended, but with Rose Quartz sitting among them the possibility of defeat was the farthest thing from anyone’s mind.

-

The sky was turning light when Rose finally came back, soundlessly sitting down next to her on the cool beach. Pearl let the tiny figures she’d been animating dissolve into neatly spaced little piles. Rose had all but ordered her to try to relax before tomorrow, and simulating troop flanking manoeuvers using little armies made of sand probably didn’t count as not dwelling on the impending battle.

The hand Rose laid on hers was as steady and reassuring as ever, but there was still something off about her demeanour that Pearl couldn’t help but notice. “Are you alright?”

“I’m afraid. I believe in our strength, I believe in my Gems, and I believe in all your brilliant ideas, but I’m still scared.”

“Afraid?” Pearl almost laughed. “No, you can’t be, you are too… too… _you_.”

Rose placed her hands on Pearl’s shoulders and lightly turned her so they were face to face. “It’s natural to be afraid, and nothing shameful. Especially when there is so much at stake.”

Pearl shook her head emphatically. “I’m not afraid,” she insisted. Rose seemed saddened by this, surprisingly, and her expression settled into a rare frown.

“Please promise me something, Pearl.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me you won’t attempt anything reckless. I know how carried away you can get - I _am_ afraid of many things, and losing you is one of the worst. Please, please remember: you don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Pearl nodded slowly, then found herself pulled into a tight hug. She felt warmth spread from around her gem down to the tips of her toes, and she knew her face was embarrassingly blue, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

“You’re very important,” came Rose’s murmur into her hair, and Pearl bit back her first instinct of an _Of course, if we don’t seal the portal tomorrow, all of our plans for the new headquarters will be useless-_ she was fairly certain Rose wasn’t talking about the upcoming battle, or the role any of them were to play in it.

She shut her eyes, and returned the embrace, and almost cried when Rose pressed the gentlest of kisses to her gem.

-

They learned that day that dust kicked up by an orbital bombing takes a long while to settle down.

It had been going so well. The bluff with the flanking manoeuvres had worked wonders against the heavily armed but slow Onyx squadrons. Rose had beamed down at her proudly, and Pearl had smiled so widely in return she’d felt her cheeks tingle.

But then the barrage from above had started.

One of the very first blasts had blown her off the hill where she’d been standing next to Rose and Garnet, sending her on a long and rather painful tumble down the sharp, rocky incline and into unconsciousness.

When she woke up lying on her back with a splitting headache some indeterminable time later, Pearl felt very, very grateful that her survival didn’t depend on breathing. The dust was everywhere: in her mouth, in her nose, in her eyes - but she stumbled to her feet, ignoring all her various aches and pains as well as the hideously unfavourable visibility conditions, and powered forwards towards the barely-there shadow of the temple cliff. In one hand she held her spear, its usual glow dimmed by the artificial dust-and-sand storm, and in the other she still carried Rose’s standard. The two items she’d somewhat miraculously managed to hold on to proved invaluable in helping her stay on her feet.

_It is imperative that we take back the Temple._

Rose’s words echoed in her mind as she began the long, arduous climb, then twisted themselves into the old, old _pearls weren’t meant for this_ with every tumble she took down the slope, buffeted by hot, unnatural winds, and squinting to see through sand-encrusted eyes. But then she was almost there, so very close, and slowly the ground under her feet levelled out.

Most of the Homeworld forces occupying the Temple had either been evacuated prior to the bombardment or had run away of their own accord – and Pearl didn’t think much of _their_ odds. The important thing was she was alone, and although most of the Temple lay in ruins, she could see a clear path to the portal.

Pearl focused briefly, and brought the bubbled device forth from her gem. The pink barrier between it and the rest of the world was holding up admirably, and the familiar signature energy of the bubble’s maker served to bolster Pearl’s courage further.

She made it no more than five steps towards the portal when something hard and very, very heavy slammed into her side and sent her flying. Pearl curled her thin frame around the bubble, doing everything in her power to keep it from popping and setting off the device prematurely. Her landing was far from graceful, but she seemed to have succeeded, and she looked up to find her attacker looming over her. The impressively large and impressively yellow Gem was wielding what appeared to be a flail, and Pearl, with her spear gone and her head ringing almost unbearably, didn’t much like her chances.

Until Garnet jumped into the fray and sent Pearl’s attacker flying from the cliff’s edge.

It was hard to tell what Garnet was feeling at the best of times, Pearl reflected as she was pulled to her feet, but for some reason at the moment it was particularly difficult. Was Garnet worried? Whatever for? They’d all but won.

“Stay here,” she said in her characteristically brief manner. “Don’t move. I’ll go get Rose.”

Pearl nodded in acknowledgement, then limped to where she’d dropped Rose’s standard. She picked it up and slowly and painstakingly made her way to the all-important portal, finally popping the bubble and activating the sealing device. It powered up, seemingly working as planned, and Pearl idly watched the light show, using the banner as a crutch.

-

Familiar voices wafted up to her some time later, piercing through the mush in her mind.

Rose in particular sounded extremely upset, and rushed over with a speed Pearl had never seen her achieve before. “Oh, Pearl, my precious Pearl, what have they done to you?”

“Nothing,” Pearl barked out nervously, feebly attempting to laugh it off and squirm out of Rose’s grip, “it’s nothing, just a scratch.”

It was very far from a scratch. Her physical form was shivering all over, and she could feel how badly it wanted to shatter into a million swiftly vanishing fragments, never to reform. But still she did her best to still the trembling of her knees, stiffen her spine, and stand on, clinging to the pink standard. The battle was over and her spear had been dismissed long ago, the energy of manifesting it quite beyond her, but it was imperative that the striking banner of Rose Quartz remain standing. The ragged, tattered remains of the pink flag were fluttering in the breeze Pearl felt blow through every crevice of her body, feeling as though it might carry her away, bit by bit. But they had won, and that was what mattered.

“It’s your _gem_ , Pearl,” came Rose’s distraught voice again, and Pearl cringed at the volume. “Come here.”

In the strange mess of sensations that her world had become, the gentle droplets splashing down on her gem before trickling down to the bridge of her nose provided a welcome anchoring point. The most intense warmth she had ever felt bloomed from her forehead, washing over the rest of her in waves, drowning out all pain and confusion.

The world slowly coalesced into something resembling its usual state, and Pearl found herself drowning in an ocean of pink.

Rose was clutching her to her chest very tightly. “I don't even want to think of how close this was,” she murmured around the singed ends of Pearl's hair. Pearl simply huddled closer, feeling safer than she ever had in her life.

-

Sometime later, Pearl found herself lying outside on one of the cots in the camp the rebels had swiftly constructed around what remained of the Temple. Rose wouldn’t hear of her being up and about, but thankfully stayed by her side to provide company herself, making the entire arrangement rather more tolerable.

“They are sending entire assault fleets after us now. This is becoming rather serious,” Pearl offered, once the day’s events were sorted out in her mind.

“It was always serious.”

“Oh, of course. I just... I don't think there is anything... temporary about it anymore.”

Rose met her eyes, and Pearl thought she looked very, very sad.

“Oh, Pearl. I don't think there ever was.”

Pearl froze. It made sense, of course. Homeworld was hardly a forgiving place, and Pearl knew this more than most. The idea that they would at any point pardon a group of outcast Gems who'd started what was now an armed rebellion against their authority, that the entire business with Earth would be forgotten, and all of them welcomed back with no more than a formal reprimand and marks on their records making them rather undesirable for government employment – it all seemed frankly ludicrous, now.

And yet...

And yet Pearl had always, in the back of her mind, thought it would somehow work out. That a return home awaited them after their work on Earth was done. That she'd go back to sort and shelf the holocrystals in her room she'd knocked over and uncharacteristically left that way in her hurry to reach the departure dock on time, that she'd finally get the chance to finish her XR-3 Speeder model, and perhaps that Rose would come visit her and see what she self-indulgently called her little workshop. That perhaps Rose might find some free time and the two of them could go on that rather appealing trip to the M45 cluster together.

But it had already been a very long time since they'd come to Earth. Her tiny quarters had most certainly been emptied by now, reassigned or repurposed, her belongings recycled, and the M45 cluster tour had probably long since been removed from all agency charter offers.

Pearl looked around her, at the devastated landscape, littered with the remains of Gem technology, weapons, and Gems themselves, and the ruins of the Temple they'd fought so hard for.

The phantom idea of _Home_ was evaporating with a distressing speed and finality, and Pearl couldn't believe her own childish naiveté. Her fists bunched in the folds of Rose's dress.

“We'll clean it up,” Rose spoke up with a cheer that seemed just a tad too forced, misinterpreting, perhaps deliberately, Pearl's upset glances around their surroundings, “and in time, once we've ensured some peace, we'll rebuild the Temple, too. You'll see – it'll be even more beautiful than ever.”

-

It wasn’t the Sea Spire – they were hardly welcome there at the moment – but it would have to do.

Pearl let herself fall back onto the ground, giving the starry sky a quick once-over, before focusing on her gem and arranging her own projected constellations above her. But then she froze when it hit her with an unpleasant jolt that she wasn’t sure if the very recognisable triangular configuration of the Tourmaline system was supposed to be above or below the Zircon cluster.

Surely it hadn’t been that long- surely she couldn’t have forgotten?

Her breathing was becoming erratic, and there was sweat beading on her forehead. Pearl sat up, and dug her fingers into the loose dirt below her. A voice startled her enough to allow her to dismiss the holo-projection that was so upsetting her.

“What are you doing up here?” Rose asked, voice friendly but tinged with concern, coming to sit next to her.

Pearl wanted to answer, but found that her voice shook almost as much as her hands, and the words made no sense anyway. It was such a small, insignificant thing, misremembering some star chart details, and something she could so easily look up. And yet.

Rose was a solid presence by her side, and Pearl found fussing with her hands was good, and comfortably distracting. So she settled for nervously toying with the beautiful pink curls draped over Rose’s shoulder.

Large, soft hands enveloped her face, warm fingers brushing her cheeks, and her head was lifted up to meet Rose’s eyes. “I’m right here,” came a gentle whisper.

Pearl nodded weakly. “With me,” she replied, feeling herself tear up.

“With you,” Rose confirmed. “Now here, dry your eyes and look up. I can teach you what the humans call their constellations.”

They stayed together until the sun rose and the last star vanished from the sky.


	3. Rose Quartz commands an army of misfits, rejects, and turncoats

The battle had started off as an unimportant skirmish, an obvious and, in Pearl’s opinion, rather poorly planned attempt at blocking off access to an entire branch of the domestic warp network. But slapdash in its inception or not, the situation was turning into something of a stalemate. With the Crystal Gems holding most of the high ground available and Homeworld being able to supply a steady stream of fresh combatants, what they had all hoped would be a quick fight dragged on well into the night.

The hillside was illuminated by endless colourful flashes of Gem powers and weapons being summoned. Rose, as always, insisted on being in the thick of it, right on the front lines, no matter how much her so-called war council argued against putting their leader in peril like that. Pearl could do little but try her best to stay by her side even during the most _strategically unsound_ of decisions, as she’d loudly and rather passionately called them to Rose’s face earlier.

Pearl’s attention was currently on dodging surprisingly rapid and well-aimed slashes and punches from an unpleasantly green-tinted Gem – an aventurine? Jadeite? Chrysoprase? She’d seen all of them listed as Homeworld-aligned footsoldiers, it was hard to tell who was who in all the chaos-

“Ugh, I have no time for _you_.”

A green boot connected solidly with the side of her head and sent her tumbling to the ground, her spear disappearing in a feeble flash. The sight of the enemy Gem drawing a vicious-looking sword – _oh, it had been Serpentine all along_ – and running uphill straight towards Rose Quartz efficiently cut through the ringing in Pearl’s head and all the fuzzy, unnecessary thoughts crowding her mind. Rose’s back was turned, she was busy fighting off three blindingly fast pyrites, and Pearl saw with a startling clarity that she was never going to be able to bring up a defence in time, not even a bubble…

Pearl moved with a speed and conviction she’d never managed to achieve before, not in life-or-death situations on the battlefield nor during training sessions with Garnet.

The scimitar slid neatly between where she had once tried having ribs, before dismissing the extra support they provided at the cost of flexibility - she was well aware of both her strengths and weaknesses, after all. It didn’t matter, either way – it had been enough to stop the blade before it could so much as brush a loose string on Rose’s dress.

She’d only ever retreated into her gem once before – an accident, one she’d caused herself and paid dearly for: a fuel cel explosion that had taken with it five more pearls, a supervising citrine, and the cruiser at the very top of the shipyard’s priority repair list. She remembered how the disintegrating heat had, for a brief, terrible flash, been her entire world (and how she had spent the first disorienting moments-minutes-days in her gemspace not even trying to build up a new form, entirely convinced she would never emerge again, her gem shattered and the shards ground into conveniently recyclable dust). It was much less unpleasant this time, really, with the pain quite bearably concentrated in one burning point. The enemy Gem gaped at her as she grabbed onto the blade with both hands, immobilising it, then lifted her chin with some effort and smiled defiantly back at her.

_You won’t touch her. I won’t let you._

The next few moments were a jumble as a pink wall slammed into her confused foe, knocking the serpentine far, far back into the worst of the fray, where she was quickly overwhelmed before she could summon another instance of her weapon. Rose’s back, it seemed, was no longer turned, and the area around them was clear of enemy forces for the time being. She rushed over to where Pearl was still somehow standing and doubtlessly looking rather overwhelmed.

“Pearl, what are you _doing_?”

“It’s fine, I’m fine, you’re fine-” Pearl blabbered, fingers hovering and dancing around the scimitar as it finally dissolved, signalling the loss of its owner. Her mind was meandering uncomfortably now, and she was shaking, holding onto her form with some difficulty. Rose must have known, surely, because she carefully placed a hand under Pearl’s head and cradled her closer, rocking them both very gently.

“I’m sorry,” Pearl bit out shakily, “I need to-”

“Shhh, it’s fine. Go ahead. I’ve got you.”

Pearl sighed in relief and let herself go into wisps of white smoke.

-

She emerged into a cloud of pink, and what she assumed was normal post-regeneration disorientation was compounded by her briefly incomprehensible surroundings. It lasted until she settled into herself fully and recognised both the arms around her and the insistent voice coming from just above. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Pearl wanted so very badly to argue. Instead, she buried her face further into the crook of Rose’s neck, and let herself be held. It was the comfort of a solid presence they both indulged in regularly, and one Pearl was thankful for after each of their increasingly numerous battles. But this time a frustrated pressure seemed to rise further in her with every gentle brush of a curl against her narrow shoulders, and when Rose reached a hand to trace over her whole, unmarred chest and non-existent wound, she burst.

“Why do you insist on participating in the fighting yourself? What are you trying to accomplish? Don’t you know, how can you _possibly_ not know how important you are-” _to me_ “-to us?”

She’d pulled away just enough to be able to face Rose properly. The brief confusion faded quickly, and there was now a grim anger etched on Rose’s face, the likes of which was usually reserved only for the battlefield. Pearl could feel it wasn’t directed at her, but at something much greater and more far-reaching, and yet she couldn’t help the jolt of fear mixed with admiration at the sight. Rose was magnificent when she was terrifying.

“Nothing sets me apart from any of the Gems who chose to fight alongside me; not from Emerald, not from Garnet, and not from you. I will have no special treatment. We are all Crystal Gems, and we all made the same choice: to stand against Homeworld and fight for Earth.”

It seemed like a lovely thought, in theory, and Rose spoke it with such conviction. But it still felt so very far from the truth. “We- we’ve all come from very different places, Rose,” Pearl began slowly, trying to order her thoughts as she went, and regretting it all the while, “and our choices, if we ever had any, were different, too. I don’t think this is something we can all forget so easily.”

“I won’t have it! This isn’t how it’s going to be, not anymore, and not ever again.” Shadows draped and played over Rose’s face, something Pearl had seen only the vaguest traces of before, and her determination was steely. “There is so much I can never fix. But I can do this, at least.”

The strange tension slowly ebbed in the stretch of silence between them, and Rose turned away. When she started to speak again, her tone was softer, but the edge was still not out of it completely. “Garnet is a fine teacher, but you need something more. I know you well enough to know that, like me, you won’t be dissuaded so easily. You are quite stubborn.”

 _You’re quite stubborn for a pearl, aren’t you?_ The phantom derision rang out in her memory from across many years, and Pearl shook her head briefly. Listen to Rose. There would be no more of that. That was the past, and it was done, and things would be different from now on, for all of them.

Rose handed her a sword.

-

A month of relative peace was more than they could have hoped for.

“Our agents report that Homeworld is making grand plans for the Lunar Sea Spire, with the intention of repurposing it from a place of leisure, meditation, and learning into some sort of military research base,” Emerald was barely hiding her disgust as she shared the latest intelligence with the rest of Rose’s inner circle.

“We should reorganise the training schedule to focus on infiltration and sabotage, then,” Pearl’s mind was already awhirl with possibilities and contingencies, a detailed holoprojection of the Spire quickly taking shape before her. “After we slow down or outright stop their efforts as much as possible, we go in with a small team to clear out the-”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Garnet spoke up from her usual perch in the corner.

“Why not?” Pearl asked, mildly indignant that one of the rare instances of Garnet deciding to offer her opinion during a meeting had to include interrupting her.

Garnet shrugged. “Just a feeling. But we should leave the Spire alone.”

But the reaction was almost unanimous, and the outrage universal. Taking the Sea Spire before it was turned into a hated enemy fortress became the newest rallying cry of the Gems following Rose Quartz, and Pearl devoted most of her time to practicing her rapier forms on narrow staircases.

-

"Come here, Pearl. Listen to this!"

Rose was gleeful, excited, almost giddy with the joy of a new discovery - a sadly rare sight these days, when her preoccupation tended to be with life or death decisions and mapping out future battlefields. Before Pearl could even properly divert her attention from the prototype she was fiddling with and begin to ask what it was she was supposed to be hearing, Rose pulled her into an embrace.

Pearl made a feeble noise of confusion and entirely half-hearted protest, but Rose shushed her and only held on tighter. "Listen!"

She was sure her face was a burning, bright blue - an unfortunate and nonsensical response to stimuli her projected form insisted on, for whatever reason. She couldn't hear anything at first, and made to look questioningly at Rose's face, but then her head brushed closer to warm, pink skin, and there it was - a steady thumping sound emanating from Rose's chest. Pearl stood, entranced, listening raptly for a stretch, then gazed up in both wonder and bafflement.

"It's a heartbeat," Rose explained, in that tone she always used when Earth revealed one of its secrets to her - the same one that made Pearl's face heat up and her simulated and entirely unnecessary breathing stop, and the one that she loved hearing more than almost anything in the world. "The humans all have one, as long as they're alive. Their lives depend on it, even – liquid pumping through their bodies and supplying them with nutrients. It's a fascinating system, with a single heart at its centre, much like a fuel core in one of your ships."

Pearl had never really bothered to learn many details about the native lifeforms - organic matters rarely held her interest for long. This whole thing seemed like a rather glaring structural weakness to her – gems, at least, were difficult to crack and shatter. Disturbing visions of diamond-studded weapons finding their way to Rose's newly acquired heart swarmed at the edges of Pearl's mind, and she barely eked out the words. "So you... shapeshifted this... this system?"

"Oh, no, merely the heart and some of its surroundings, just to have it beat. The rest is a bit more complicated - I don't need it all, I just wanted to know what it feels like. I do hope I’ll have a chance to study it in detail later, and maybe even reproduce the whole thing!" There were few things more lovely and radiant than Rose Quartz in the grip of happiness, and Pearl forced down a thousand unbidden exclamations of love. They were safe, for the moment - there would be time for them later.

"So... how _does_ it feel?" She was genuinely startled by her own boldness and curiosity, but she still raised a hand and hesitantly placed it over the patch of chest where her head had rested earlier.

"Why don't you tell me?" Rose answered, gently folding Pearl back into an embrace.

It was pleasantly regular, and rhythmical, and Pearl had to admit she found Rose's chosen frequency very soothing. It reminded her of breathing, a bit - another human affectation Rose was highly fond of, and one that Pearl herself made a habit of keeping up. She gave a slight yet content hum. "It feels... calming."

Earth, for all its flaws, was full of beautiful patterns and regularities, and Pearl found they never failed to soothe her. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts wander to the many times she’d joined Rose in sitting on the beach near the Temple ruins, listening to the soft sounds of waves lapping at the shore.

They would talk, sometimes, very tentatively, of plans. Of a nebulous After that would be like nothing either of them had ever imagined themselves in, but that they could still share and make their own.

-

The Spire was a trap. One that Emerald had carefully prepared and expertly led them into.

Pearl wanted nothing more than to scream a _she was suspicious from the start_ , and _I should have seen, I should have known, I should have figured it out-_ but she’d just foiled the attempt on Rose’s life and safely contained the traitor’s green gem, so there wasn’t much point to it anymore. Rose would probably disapprove again – but in the tight quarters of the Spire’s hallway, Emerald’s axe had come so terrifyingly close to her gem, and there had been no time for a drop of hesitation on Pearl’s part.

There was a searing pain shooting down the left side of her back, and she couldn’t exactly feel her shoulder. Something told her it was probably best not to look. She gazed up instead, feebly lifting her head off the chest of the person carrying her – it was the tall, quietly collected Gem who was usually so imposing and intimidating, but now so very gentle and amazingly good at not jostling Pearl around too much. What was her name? Pearl’s mind felt like so much mush she’d seen humans chew up.

Garnet. It was Garnet. Of course it was Garnet. And she had been the one-

“How did you know?”

Garnet’s face was grim, her mouth tugged downwards into a scowl. She muttered to herself in place of replying to Pearl’s slurred question. “I should have insisted. I should have warned you better.”

And then, much more quietly, “I’m such a coward.”

Pearl felt certain she was only hearing this because it was unlikely she would remember any of it. She squirmed in the secure hold, and Garnet finally looked down at her, snapped out of whatever mood she’d been in. “You should regenerate.”

Of course she should, but there were, as always, far more pressing matters to attend to. “Is Rose-”

“Rose is fine, and she is safe. I promise she doesn’t need you right now. Go ahead.”

 _You’re wrong, she always needs me-_ Pearl wanted to argue, but never quite managed the words.

-

The betrayal hung heavy on all of them, but on Rose most of all. Their war room meetings were tense and brief, covering only the barest of necessities, and filled with grim, mistrustful glances accompanying terse answers.

She’d barely even scolded Pearl for throwing herself in the way of a lucky aquamarine’s trident.

-

Rose was off to the nearest human encampment the moment her rounds among the wounded in the day’s battle were done. Pearl had barely managed to exchange a few words with her to solidify some basic plans for the following day, before she’d been left alone to berate herself for the entire unpleasant situation. _It’s your own damn fault – she kept inviting you to come with her and you always said no. Can you blame her for not trying anymore?_

She knew with an almost distressing certainty she could never blame Rose for anything. Besides, Rose didn’t mean much by it, surely - if anything, she was respecting Pearl’s own decisions. And right now she had every right to want to get away from everything, at least for a little while. Thankfully, there were plenty others to pin the responsibility on. A whole villageful, to be exact.

Why the humans? What could they possibly offer Rose that Pearl couldn't?

She gripped the front of her tunic, and an almost whimsical thought rose to prominence in her mind. Was it a heartbeat? Was that what she lacked? Pearl could have one, too, as loud as a war drum in her thin chest, if Rose wanted. It was really no great matter.

Pearl stalked quickly down the path Rose had taken earlier, and as she approached the distant fires some of the humans took notice of her and called out in their strange language. This in turn caused Rose to emerge from wherever she’d been sequestered, and Pearl felt a pang of guilt for dragging her away from something that brought her joy, interrupting the preciously rare downtime she got these days.

“Pearl,” Rose rushed over to her, “is anything the matter? Is it news from the Spire?”

Pearl shook her head, but found she couldn’t quite manage words now that she was actually faced with the beautiful root of all her apparent problems. She instead took Rose's hand and placed it gently against her chest, offering a meek smile.

"A heartbeat?” Rose gasped, her entire countenance lighting up with pure delight. “Oh, Pearl! I'm so proud of you. I was a bit afraid you were becoming… well, not resentful, perhaps, but that you'd never realise what joy could be found in simple human things! I'm very happy for you."

Pearl kept the smile frozen on her face, and the still unfamiliar pounding in her chest skipped a few beats, despite her best efforts to keep it steady.

 _I did it for_ you _, Rose, for you for you for you only for you-_

But she shrugged and what came out of her mouth was, instead, a reflection of Rose's own earlier words. "I wanted to know what it would feel like."

Rose beamed down at her, and Pearl found her delight infectious. "Oh, it’s wonderful that you’ve come after all, Pearl! There's someone in the village I'd like you to meet."

-

_I just want to make sure you know that it doesn't mean I love **you** any less._

The words played in Pearl’s mind, over and over and over. She’d been given so many chances, and she’d not once said a thing. But then, Rose’s happiness was paramount, and it was a perfectly normal thing - her own petty concerns were what was wrong here.

_Rose Quartz loves everyone and everything._

Humans, it seemed, tended to die when their hearts were damaged. Pearl had seen lucky ones go on the battlefields, and unlucky ones last for days afterwards. She wondered if the stabbing feeling that spread through her chest whenever she looked over at Rose and her latest companion- conquest- _pet_ \- was anything like what they went through before finally passing.

A familiar enchanting giggle spilled over from the humans' camp, drowning out the distant muffled sounds of what seemed to be some sort of post-battle revelry.

Pearl turned and walked away to find a place to brood somewhere out of hearing range. She finally settled down in a clearing, and purposefully kept her gaze on the ground as she sat. Stargazing was the very last thing she needed now, when hot, angry tears were simmering so very close to the surface.

She frowned, blinked, and dismissed her heart, enjoying the quiet for the first time in months.

-

“You need to stop.”

It was Garnet, of course, interfering again. Pearl didn’t even bother to hide her annoyance. “Did Rose send you to talk to me?”

“Rose Quartz can handle her own business just fine. I’m here to talk to you. Maybe as a friend.”

“Since when are we friends?” Pearl snapped back, regretting it almost immediately. Garnet gave her a long sidelong look and just shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” Pearl mumbled, mostly into her knees, settling back into her preferred curled-up brooding position. “I didn’t mean that.”

“You’re a liability.”

Pearl’s head shot up again. “What?” Admittedly, those were not the words she was expecting to hear. Garnet, it seemed, wasn’t pulling any punches today.

“Your antics are a distraction. You cause Rose grief and your stunts hinder her ability to fight. You end up defenceless, and she has to take care of keeping your gem safe before someone steps on it, or decides to take the convenient opportunity to finish you off.”

“But,” the revelation – such an obvious one, really, and she’d been so annoyingly _blind_ \- was shaking Pearl to her core, “but she isn’t supposed to do that, to care like that! She’s supposed to fight on and stay safe. That is the _point_ -”

“Supposed? We aren’t _supposed_ to be here at all! We aren’t supposed to be fighting against our own home planet. I’m not supposed to _exist_ , and _you’re_ not supposed to be in the middle of a battlefield, but look at us!”

It felt like the most words Garnet had ever spoken to her. “I’m sorry,” Pearl merely repeated, subdued and meek.

“Don’t apologise to me. Go talk to Rose.”

-

She never made it to Rose’s side. Homeworld was trying out new things, it seemed, sending a small squad of lithe, nigh-invisible obsidians to attack the infamous Rose Quartz in the presumed safety of her camp.

The fight was a messy one, and Pearl didn’t see the end of it.

She would do better next time - it was the one thought she clung to as she weaved a new form for herself. She would ask Garnet for more sparring sessions. She would work on her footwork with Rose. She would make up for all her frustrating shortcomings – and Garnet was right, who they were supposed to be didn’t matter anymore. It wasn’t at all important what Homeworld had made her for, she would happily tear herself down and remake herself into whatever it was Rose needed her to be.

The material of her tunic was too long and prone to getting in the way of more advanced manoeuvers, for one, and kept slowing her down, providing a distraction she- _Rose_ \- couldn’t possibly afford. The hair was the same – probably best to sweep more of it back, make sure to keep it out of her eyes. So much was in the details.

She would do better. She would _be_ better.

-

She came out of her gem expecting to be faced with Rose’s worried glances or Garnet’s barely hidden disapproval – both a familiar sight by now. Instead she found herself alone, in a small, unfurnished, featureless room. Once the light of her regeneration had dissipated, the only illumination came from a small force field-covered window in one of the walls.

“Rose?” She tried calling softly, then with a bit more urgency as she looked around and felt the beginnings of something akin to panic. “Rose!”

One side of the room slid open with a loud sound that made Pearl jump, and two Gems bearing the insignia of White Diamond strolled in. They didn’t seem to be armed, and the taller and more brightly-hued of the two spared Pearl only the most bored of glances. “State your designation, series, and registry number,” she rattled off, making it obvious she’d done so a thousand times before.

Pearl glared at them both, crossed her arms in front of her – fervently hoping it wasn’t something that only worked for Garnet – and pointedly said nothing. The second of her would-be interrogators frowned at this act of defiance, baring her teeth with a snarl. “Rose Quartz commands an army of misfits, rejects, and turncoats. You,” the Gem spat, the single word loaded with such derision Pearl almost flinched back, “are a disgraceful embodiment of the entire travesty. I don’t know why we’re even keeping you here, we should spare ourselves the trouble and have you shattered. You aren’t even useful for bait – no one in their right mind would consider mounting a rescue mission for the likes of you.”

Pearl kept herself very still and very quiet, even as her fingers shook and clenched around her wiry arms. To her surprise, both of the Gems turned and left mere moments later, sliding the door shut behind them with another loud clang. The small observation window closed as well, cutting off the last of the flickery orange light.

She hadn’t thought they’d leave it at that. She’d expected some sort of interrogation – had begun bracing herself for the worst, as White Diamond’s underlings weren’t exactly known for their kindness. Pearl leaned back against the nearest wall and slowly slid to the floor with a long exhale, her trembling legs quite done with supporting her.

They would be back, she was sure of it. But for now it seemed they were content with just leaving her in the dark, in the small cell that felt like it was shrinking. It all brought to mind cramped cargo holds of transport ships, and the closeness of dozens of other pearls. It was a strange sort of kinship, sharing a gem. Pearl suddenly found she regretted never devoting the time to meeting and getting to know the others of her kind who’d ended up fighting for Rose’s cause. Who knew if she’d ever get a chance to, now?

She tried, very briefly, her old, calming ritual of projecting stars, but the walls were so closed in that the starscapes were ugly and distorted. So she chose to watch Rose, instead: a tiny figure, gliding across the floor, joined by a tiny figure of Pearl herself. Then both of them, effortlessly segueing into a dance.

Where was Rose? Was Rose alright? If Rose truly always tried to protect her helpless and dormant gem, like Garnet had said, but Pearl was still here, in enemy hands, then-

It wasn’t a thought she could bear to finish. But perhaps-

Perhaps Rose was done protecting her, finally tired of her repeated failures, and had given up and left her. And maybe this was better, because of course it made Rose being unharmed a much more likely outcome, but Pearl couldn’t deny it also felt so, so much worse. The thought burned more than any one of the many well-aimed strikes that had sent her retreating into her gem.

She let the hologram blink out of existence when she felt she couldn’t stem the flow of tears anymore. In her place, Rose Quartz would have stood tall and made her captors cower with a few well-chosen words, and Garnet would have defied them without a single one. But Pearl was nothing like them, no matter how much she tried, and the best she could do was curl into herself and hope to disappear.

-

An unidentifiable stretch of time later, Pearl became aware of muffled voices drawing nearer.

“She could actually prove valuable. She’s the one we’ve had reports about. The tactician, the one Rose Quartz keeps at her side at all times.”

“She chose a pearl to be her lieutenant? A defective one, at that? How is it we haven’t crushed this pathetic little riot yet, honest-”

There was a shout and a loud crash, followed by several dull thumps, and a quickly cut off cry for help. Pearl scampered as far back as she could as the door to her cell shook under a strong impact, then shielded her face as it flew from its hinges, letting bright orange light flood in.

“Pearl!”

Rose Quartz was the source of the almost-shout, and the first thing Pearl’s stinging eyes managed to focus on. She seemed thunderously angry and out of breath, but also… relieved? In a pink flash, her shield was dismissed, and she held out a hand towards Pearl. It all seemed like a vision, and so very unreal, and for a good long moment Pearl considered the chances of it being some trick, some newly developed Homeworld interrogation tactic they’d yet to hear of. Taking her chances, she reached out a shaking hand and took Rose’s steady and solid and _real_ one, and was immediately pulled out of the small cell into a near-crushing hold.

“You came back for me,” she managed, voice trembling only slightly, and Pearl was proud of her own restraint.

“Of course I came back for you,” Rose breathed, clutching her to her chest tightly, “my Pearl. My precious, wonderful Pearl. How could you ever believe I would do anything else?”

She’d seen pearls dumped and shattered before, left for dead and lost, for far less than what she’d done in her surprisingly eventful existence. And although after all this time she could acknowledge, on a rational level, that Rose was nothing like _them_ , nothing like the others, the overwhelming mix of feelings over it all was still a shock to her system. It was embarrassing, she was a blubbering mess, and she was making a fool of herself in front of Garnet, and Bismuth, and _Rose_ -

Rose was crying, too. And although her tears had nothing to heal, Pearl felt each and every treasured one of them warm her to the core of her being. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to Rose’s lips, and felt giddy when it was eagerly returned.

“We have to get out of here. You can have your reunion later.”

It was Garnet, of course it was, all matter-of-fact and practical - but the smile on her face was kind and understanding, and Pearl remembered that it was so easy to forget, when you got used to them being like this, that Ruby and Sapphire loved each other too-

They broke away from each other somewhat reluctantly. Rose summoned her shield, and handed Pearl a shortsword – a much better choice for the close quarters of the facility than her spear would have been.

They exchanged another glance and a gentle brush of fingers, then made for the exit side by side.


	4. Rose Quartz is merciful and kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter won't take me two months to post.  
> Huge thanks to the wonderful [gimmeshellder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmeshellder/pseuds/gimmeshellder) for the beta!

The thought that they’d come for her, that _Rose_ had come to get her, charging into an enemy fortress with no regard to anything standing in her way until _her Pearl_ was back by her side, was exhilarating. Pearl clung to Rose’s arm, sword clutched tightly in the other, thankful there’d been no call to use it yet – she was giddy and dizzy enough, her vision still clouded by tears, that she wasn’t sure she’d last more than a minute in a real fight.

Garnet, who’d taken point, stopped all of a sudden in an unremarkable hallway that was no different than the previous five they’d rushed through, and motioned for the rest of them to follow her example. “We’re cut off from the exit. They’ve set up an ambush.”

“How do you know?” Rose asked softly.

Garnet adjusted her visor briefly, then offered only one word in place of an explanation. “Fusion.”

“What?”

“Fuse and overpower enough of them to break through. It’s… not the introduction to fusion I’d wish on anyone, but it’s the only way.”

“Listen,” Bismuth argued nervously, “just because it works for… Garnet, doesn’t mean dirt for the rest of us. We might just end up digging ourselves in deeper.”

“Fusion _is_ very poorly understood and-” Pearl began, and trailed off, still awash in a jumble of feelings from her very recent rescue, flustered by Rose’s very close proximity and the wild, nascent little niggle of a thought that perhaps, _perhaps_ , if it came to it and they went with this plan, Rose would pick her.

“Let’s do it.” Rose’s tone brooked no arguments, so none came.

“I’ll hold them off,” Garnet said with a nod, already poised to beat any attacking Gems back, as if she’d known what the outcome would be from the start.

There was a hand on Pearl’s shoulder, and another hand taking one of her own. “Fuse with me.”

It was exactly what she’d hoped for, but also what she’d feared most. All of her previous enthusiasm seemed to melt away without a trace, leaving her a stammering mess under Rose’s hand. “B-but what if I can’t- I’ve never-”

“Me neither,” Rose drew close to her and smiled, eyes crinkling in glee and excitement as if they were simply sharing a deeply personal secret, and not in fact in mortal danger and about to attempt a rather desperate escape. “Let’s learn together.”

-

Pearl remembered asking Garnet once – well, she remembered asking Garnet altogether too many things, and it was a wonder how patient Garnet’s always been with her, really, she should remember to thank her properly – but on that one memorable occasion she’d asked a simple-seeming question: _How do you know who you are?_

Garnet’s answer had been a shrug and a noncommittal noise implying that, somehow, you just did.

Pearl thought she finally understood, now.

Or, at least, Rainbow Quartz did.

-

The flickering hologram of Rose smiled gently and indulgingly down at her, and Pearl simply stared back. If she couldn’t get her thoughts in order and lay them out so they made even cursory sense to a mere hologram, how could she hope to have a chance at making her feelings understood before Rose herself? How could she even begin to explain in mere words how it had felt to be so at peace with her own self, so centred and so… loved?

It had been such a brief thing, in the thick of battle, with no chance to properly process anything, but she’d, _they’d_ felt amazing, and wonderful, and for once in her life Pearl found she could so very easily believe these things of herself. It was a wonder Rainbow Quartz had managed to fight at all. But oh, fought she had, and they’d all made it out of the White Diamond complex unharmed.

Unharmed, perhaps, but not unchanged, mused Pearl as she sat on a grassy hilltop now, days later, aware of a burning need to talk to Rose, but not having a single idea where to start.

“You’re in love with her,” a smooth voice sounded from behind her, very plainly and matter-of-factly, and Pearl didn’t need to turn to see who it was.

“Garnet,” she greeted, voice flat. “However did you know?”

“I do have some experience on the matter, I think. And you don’t exactly make it hard to notice.”

“Yes, well, I suppose it is hard to miss, what with me sitting around and staring at holograms like a lovesick fool,” Pearl gestured at the lovingly detailed rendition of Rose before her, then dismissed the projection with no small amount of annoyance.

“I knew a lovesick fool, once,” a small smile played on Garnet’s face as she sat down in the grass on Pearl’s left. “She made it out ok. Remains as foolish and as in love to this day, though.”

“Oh? Was it Ruby? Or perhaps Sapphire?” Pearl tried, not particularly successfully, to inject some levity into her tone. “I’d love to meet them some day.”

Garnet hummed, as if she was considering the proposition. “You know, you’re very refreshing,” she continued after a moment. “You never even asked why, just went with it the moment you laid eyes on me, and let me share what I wanted at my own pace. Not many I can say that about, I’m afraid. I appreciate it.”

“Oh, um,” Pearl found herself blushing slightly. “No problem, Garnet. I’m glad I could… help?”

“You can talk to me, if you want. If the hologram’s not cutting it.”

There was a very solid, very warm hand on her shoulder, the gem embedded in it pressing into her skin, and Pearl let her head droop with a sigh. “It’s just… so frustrating. I don’t even know where to begin. So many contradictions! I want Rose to be happy, I do, I want it so much - but I also want her to be happy because of _me_.”

“Hm. You’re jealous.”

“It’s fine, of course, perfectly expected,” Pearl mumbled into her knees. “She could- and she’s probably already had many- partners, companions. These humans she insists on playing around with, or other Gems, or- but I’ve, well, I’ve never wanted anyone but her. I’m not even sure if I’m _supposed_ to want- I mean, I don’t exactly have the best or entirely consistent frame of reference for what proper pearls are supposed to be like. I just… I don’t know.”

The heavy, reassuring hand gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You know, Ruby has never wanted anyone but Sapphire, either, never even tried. And Sapphire’s tried many, many times, but it never really worked, until Ruby.”

Pearl paused for a long moment, as if stuck on fully processing the words, and her cheeks grew bluer. “Oh no, we can’t- I wouldn’t expect her to- I wouldn’t even dare suggest- oh, dear.” She was flustered beyond all hope, and buried her face in her hands. Pearl could feel, from somewhere outside her pit of mortification, as Garnet’s hand moved from her shoulder to pat her back surprisingly gently. It was a welcome distraction to focus on: just how well Garnet had herself under control, if she could rein her immense strength so very exactingly.

“I mean to say,” Pearl started once she finally felt her mind and her tongue reach an agreement, “permanent fusion is all well and good in your case, but the rebellion needs _Rose_ , and I can’t take that away… I can’t take her from everyone.”

 _No matter how much I sometimes want to_ went carefully unsaid.

As usual, very little remained hidden from Garnet. “You’re having trouble coping with being split up.”

Pearl made a vaguely disgusted, frustrated sound in the back of her throat, but couldn’t disagree. “Ever since that battle I’ve had this feeling, this incompleteness. I thought it was just a brief disorientation, a natural side-effect from fusing and unfusing, but it’s not going away, and it feels like it’ll drive me to distraction!”

“First time fusing can be intense. You should talk to Rose. Tell her what you just told me. Try fusing again, if she agrees, so you can sort out your feelings together.”

“Oh, no, no, I couldn’t possibly!” Pearl protested aggressively, attempting to pretend that wasn’t exactly what she wanted most. “She already puts up with so much, and she’s always been so very kind and patient with me, even when there was absolutely no call for her to be! But for all my failings, she still-”

“Tell Rose.”

Garnet stood up and left, and Pearl buried her face into her arms with a groan.

-

She made a firm, iron-clad resolution out of Garnet’s words.

Pearl resorted to hanging back as the war council dispersed, fiddling with the map on the table and doing her very best to seem busy as the rest of Rose’s inner circle left. Garnet got up last, and Pearl could have sworn she’d thrown her a meaningful look, even though not a trace of her eyes was visible behind her shades.

“Is something the matter, Pearl?” Rose’s voice drifted over to her, gentle and encouraging in a way that was always warmly and uniquely _Rose_ to her, and Pearl suppressed a shiver.

“I was… I was going to go over what we’ve recovered of Emerald’s possessions, but I…”

_Fuse with me? Please, pleasepleaseplease…_

Pearl bit her lip, and looked away from Rose’s puzzled and slightly worried gaze.

“I… don’t want to be alone right now,” she admitted at last, quietly. It was close enough to the truth, and not exactly a rare thing for them, so Rose seemed unsurprised and unsuspecting of any deeper issues at play.

“All right,” Rose answered, expression growing into a gentle smile with a hint of bashfulness, and Pearl almost swooned at the sight. “I admit I don’t particularly want that, either.”

Rose took her hand, and they went for a long, slow walk in the pleasantly crisp evening air, occasionally stopping so they could look around a clearing Rose found particularly appealing, or take in their surroundings in a way they rarely got to during their tense, busy days, or simply to share a tender moment and a brief kiss. Some day, perhaps, all their nights could be spent similarly - it was a nice thought to harbour, and Pearl was surprised at the intensity with which it arose in her, filing it away for future consideration.

They talked of things – inconsequential, trivial, completely forgettable. Many unspoken words hung in the air between them, and Pearl thought it seemed, at times, like Rose felt them very heavily, too.

The sun rose, and Rainbow Quartz was never brought up.

-

Inevitably, the real world required both their presences.

Another meeting was drawing to a close after hours of setting up troop positions and optimising warp locations. Pearl thought of her complete failure to deal with one set of feelings, and focused instead on her other resolution – one she’d made in the darkness of her holding cell while captured, and one that recent events had given her an excellent chance to fulfil.

Pearl spotted her moment to act just as she was about to be left alone with Rose. She cleared her throat, trying to unstick the words that still, after all her time at Rose’s side, sometimes simply refused to come properly. “Uhm. If- if I may?”

“You may always, Pearl,” Rose smiled, kindly, encouragingly, as she so often did, but with a pronounced hint of bemusement. “What is this all of a sudden?”

Pearl cringed at herself – slipping into old patterns was so very, very easy.

“Emerald had a personal assistant pearl assigned to her. Old shipping records indicate she came with her to Earth, and my own personal records show that she joined the rebellion alongside her former-” Pearl sneaked a glance at Rose, quickly sorting through words in her mind, “… commander. I’d like to talk to her.”

“Of course. Please, feel free. I hope she’s all right,” Rose, being Rose, was genuinely worried. “I admit I never properly checked if any Gems had had problems adjusting. We changed some things rather rapidly, after all. It can’t have been easy.”

Pearl’s lips twisted, but she said nothing, and simply nodded.

-

She waited until the particular stretch of the encampment was mostly empty thanks to scheduled training exercises for the resident pyrite squadron. It wasn’t much of an issue to find the door designated in her records, and Pearl was pleased when her knock was answered by the very Gem she was looking for.

The other pearl was smaller than her. Not significantly, not to the point of being outside any processing parameters, but enough for it to be noticeable to one of her own kind. Her hue tended toward the pink ends of the spectrum, which Pearl couldn’t help but slightly enviously compare to her own pale blue tint.

“Can I help you?” The question was carefully polite, hiding an undercurrent of fear and agitated nerves Pearl knew very well. It was obvious, too, from the moment their eyes met, that the other pearl knew exactly who she was.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. I’m looking for the pearl assigned to former Kindergarten Overseer Emerald.”

There was a loaded pause as the air between them grew tense and the knuckles on the hand the pearl was gripping the door handle with turned completely white. “I- it’s me. I was Emerald’s pearl. Personal assistant. Like- like you are Rose Quartz’s?” Pearl merely nodded an acknowledgement of her identity, not bothering to correct the mistake. Misunderstanding? It wasn’t particularly relevant, especially not in the face of the pearl’s agitation.

“But I swear I didn’t- I didn’t know anything!” There was a growing panic evident on the other pearl’s face, and her voice trembled violently as words burst out of her. “Please don’t- I don’t want to be- crushed, repurposed, I didn’t- please, please…” It ended in a whimper, and Pearl stared at the sad sight before her in surprise and disbelief. She’d anticipated many possible reactions to their meeting, but the pearl crumpling in sheer overwhelming terror for her own continued survival hadn’t been one of them. She felt lost and completely out of her depth as the last of the pearl’s restraint finally failed and she burst into loud sobs, clamping both her hands over her mouth as if trying to physically keep them from escaping.

“It’s, er, it’s fine,” Pearl began awkwardly, trying to think of something comforting Rose would say or do – she was so very good at things like this! Pearl, however, was very much not – finally lifting a hand and letting it hover over the other pearl’s shoulder, doing her best to ignore the resulting flinch. “I’m not going to hurt you. Nobody is. That’s… that’s not how we do things anymore. Rose Quartz is kind, and merciful even to her enemies. Not that you’re one! Not at all.”

The pearl was staring at her, wide-eyed and still disbelieving, but already significantly calmer after her initial outburst. Pearl let her hand fall that remaining inch, gently setting it down on the still trembling shoulder. “Let’s go inside and sit down. There’s nobody around to disturb us right now, correct?”

She got her answer in the form of a shaky nod, and was quickly ushered into the barracks room and onto a long bench near the only window in sight.

“Where are you from?” Pearl began a feeble attempt to break the ice between them after allowing her host some time to collect herself, putting on a casual, light air she didn’t really feel.

“Uhm. Pier 30, second-to-last series,” the other answered quietly. “You?”

“Early Pier 24 line.”

“Oh,” the other pearl merely said, vaguely surprised, and Pearl had to fight off a flash of vague annoyance at having no other way to, mentally or otherwise, differentiate herself from this entirely unique being with a completely separate set of experiences. It felt odd – it had never chafed at her quite so noticeably before, and they’d all always been pearls.

“The famously high culling rate, you mean?” The only answer she received was a slightly hesitant nod. “I got lucky, I suppose. I wasn’t… _too_ bad. Quite a few of us made it through processing that wouldn’t have, usually. But they simply couldn’t afford to get rid of all of us, so they… kept us around. Out of sight, for the most part, but still, it was something. I served a tour on an archive material delivery vessel,” she added at the look the other was shooting her way. “I did… a bit of research.”

“You tampered with archive material?” The pearl’s face was lit with wonder, fear, and what seemed to be a hint of admiration. “That’s… that’s…”

“Highly illegal, and severely punishable, yes, I’m aware. They never caught on, though.” She was bragging a bit, perhaps, but it seemed to be helping – the atmosphere was nothing like it had originally been, and the two of them were sitting close together, talking in barely above a conspiratorial whisper.

“You know,” the pearl offered, now with a small smile, “back on Homeworld, I got into Emerald’s private files once – records she kept hidden even from me and out of her everyday agenda, and-”

“Emerald’s personal records?” Pearl felt a flash of inspiration strike her, a thousand possibilities suddenly flooding her mind, and she whirled on the other pearl, all eager excitement. “Do you know if she kept any here? Do you know where they are? We have her computer, and all her belongings, we could-”

All the slowly and painstakingly built up joy quickly drained out of the pearl’s face. “I see, that’s how it is,” she muttered darkly, coolly. “That’s why you came here.”

“What?” Pearl let go of where she was gripping her shoulders, realisation of what she’d just done finally setting in. “No, no, no! Oh, I’m sorry I interrupted you, I just wanted to- That’s not it at all! I’d heard that Emerald came here with a pearl and I thought- I was just-”

“You’re here to pump me for information, obviously, and I’m a complete fool for thinking your motivations might have been anything personal, or anything… kind,” she concluded, ignoring Pearl’s endless protestations. “Well, you’re out of luck: I can’t help you – Emerald locked me out of all her systems not long after we came here. I guess we all know why now.”

She stood up and made for the door, opening it and motioning Pearl out in a single restrained movement. “You can leave now. There’s nothing of interest to you here, after all.”

Pearl wanted to argue, to prove her intentions were nothing like that, but everything she tried to say seemed to come out wrong and only served to make things worse. She felt the other’s disappointed and tired glare on her skin almost physically, and gave up, preparing to leave. Some other time, perhaps, they could try again.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” was the last thing she heard as the pearl closed the door behind her. She remained standing for a few more moments, dully gazing at the door’s weathered surface as if something would miraculously shift and change for the better. Finally, she turned, sighed, and shuffled back to base with a heavy heart.

-

Many Gems in Rose’s army liked to say they’d lost count of the number of battles they’d been in, and, if prompted, Pearl readily agreed with them.

It was a lie, of course – she knew she’d been in exactly five hundred and twenty two large-scale battles and two thousand eight hundred and seventy seven minor (in scale, if not in importance) skirmishes. She could sort them further into ambushes and sieges, categorise them by attacking and defending side or by victor and defeated, if asked. No such request ever came, and Pearl found the startlingly common eagerness to forget even events so relatively recent in Gem memory irked her, though she couldn’t quite put into words why.

The day’s engagement at the communications hub marked number five hundred twenty three, and it still hadn’t gotten any easier.

She’d gotten separated from Rose very early on and lost sight of her completely. The field had, for a thankfully brief moment, been almost entirely aflame, patches of it turning to sheets of jagged glass – Homeworld had sent a squadron of rubies after them, and Pearl found her thoughts kept returning to Garnet with a sympathetic cringe.

The flames – and the rubies – were mostly gone now, and thick dust swirled around the combatants, as it somehow always, always seemed to. It was the one thing common to all the battles they’d fought on Earth, and one Pearl now felt never got recorded and reported with the attention it deserved. It was everywhere and got into everything and oh, how easy it would be for Pearl to turn the tide of the entire rebellion if her powers of control over sand were just a tiny bit stronger.

As it was, the best she could hope to accomplish was redirect a pinch of dirt and flick it into an opponent’s eyes at a critical moment. It helped, though not tremendously, and it was hardly something she could rely on, but it very cleverly complemented some of the rapier forms Rose had taught her.

Pearl twirled just out of reach of the large mallet of an effectively blinded enemy soldier whose gem she couldn’t quite make out, then scrambled behind one of the grand pillars of the communications hub she’d once, in what now seemed to be an entirely separate existence, helped design.

The respite offered by the almost-shelter was brief, and Pearl soon found herself fending off a flurry of ill-aimed, wild, and obviously untrained sword thrusts. She looked up at her opponent and promptly froze in her tracks.

It was a pearl. Another one stood not far behind her, and another – an entire squadron, soon engaged by Rose’s forces on all sides. Pearl swallowed dryly, dust sticking uncomfortably to the back of her throat, and there it was again: _pearls weren’t meant for this._

She couldn’t help but risk a look down at herself, at the pink markings and highlights adorning her clothing, then glanced over her opponent, marked with matching white. The other pearl was staring, as well, searching for an opening she must have been aware she had no idea how to properly make use of. “What are you- what are you _doing_?” Pearl gasped out as she forced her arms to move and deflect another desperate strike. “Why are you here?”

“By orders of White Diamond,” the pearl answered curtly, frowning at the sword clutched in her hand, eyes following the length of the blade to where it was trapped by the other’s cross-guard.

“I can see that!” Pearl snapped, her sheer disbelief dulling the bite of her tone but doing nothing to loosen her stance, much to her opponent’s visible chagrin. “But pearls aren’t- what are they _thinking_ \- why in all the worlds would they send-”

The pearl glared at her, and raised her voice to interrupt the increasingly panicked-sounding rambling. “By orders of White-”

“Stop saying that!” She was letting it get to her, well aware that that was the absolute last thing she should have been doing, and a voice that sounded remarkably like Garnet’s drummed in her head, trying to jar her into getting a grip on herself again. Her own upset cries drowned a lot of it out. “You’ll all get killed! Crushed to dust! No, no, nono _nonono_ …”

The sword flew out of Pearl’s increasingly shaky grip, leaving nerveless fingers to droop uselessly at her side.

“White Diamond wants her pearls to fight, so we fight,” the other pearl stated pragmatically, pausing to pick up Pearl’s sword and throw it aside, far out of reach. “Following orders is a very basic function. Are you truly so far gone you can’t understand even that much?”

There was a fascinatingly personal twist to what looked like hatred burning in the other pearl’s eyes, and Pearl thought, suddenly, that she understood – they didn’t want to die, of course they didn’t. But they were pearls, pulled out of who knew what jobs and positions, thrown into the chaos of battle – had they even given them basic training? If the pearl before her was any indication, the answer was a definite no. Their chances were miserably low, and all the other pearl seemed to be saying was _it’s you, it’s you, it’s all because of you and your precious commander, and now we will all die-_

_-but you will die first._

Pearl barely managed to dodge the downward swing of the blade, kicking up dust as she scrambled to her feet. She pulled a spear out of her gem and blocked the returning upward sword swing in one fluid movement, then sliced at her opponent. She counted on the very important advantage of reach her weapon gave her, and her gamble paid off.

The other pearl looked at her, eyes wide in disbelief, roiling with both fear and marvel and something very much like longing. “You-you can summon a weapon? They never- they never taught us-” She got no further, as her physical form lost cohesion and vanished, the white smoke quickly dispersing in the hot battlefield winds – winds that now carried the welcome sound of Rose’s voice, as well. Pearl gave the pale gem on the ground a long look, teeth digging into her lower lip, fingers itching to pick it up.

She kicked it out of the way, instead, into the relative safety of the nearest pillar’s shadow, and threw herself back into the fight, an answering cry to Rose’s calls already in her throat.

-

She returned to the field the morning after, seeking out the exact spot she’d burned into her memory, gaze quickly combing the ground littered with colourful glittering shards without allowing herself even a moment to pause or think or truly take in her surroundings.

There was no trace of a pearl anywhere.


	5. Rose Quartz fraternises with the lower classes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, yet again.  
> Give [gimmeshellder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmeshellder/pseuds/gimmeshellder) a big hand.

A murmur of a suggestion to Rose was all it took for the council to be called together, and Pearl once again found herself with several powerful, high-ranking Gems hanging onto her every word. The delight and wonder had somehow gone from the experience, however, leaving behind an air of uncomfortable heaviness and pressure that made every syllable a struggle.

“Homeworld can’t afford to simply shatter Gems, even when they’re no longer needed.” Remaining clinical and detached from it all was proving far harder than Pearl had imagined when she’d let Rose know about important conclusions she needed to share. “Hasn’t been able to for a while now, obviously- I mean if _I’m_ still around-”

Her bitter, self-deprecating chuckle and twist of a smile faded as soon as she caught the hurt and vaguely disappointed look Rose was throwing her way. _Slipping again._ Pearl ran a nervous hand through her hair, and cleared her throat. This was by far the worst, most agitated and bumbling address she’d ever given before Rose’s inner circle. “A-anyway. Resources are scarce, we know this, and they can’t really waste a single Gem, not even- not even pearls. This, what they’re doing is- well, it seems like a complete waste. None of those pearls stand a chance, thrown into things as they’ve been.”

“Why is Homeworld doing this, then?” Bismuth, of course, eager to get to the point as always. Pearl couldn’t deny feeling a touch of gratitude - the better she stayed on track, the sooner it would all be done and out there in the open.

“The only option I can think of is if…”

Pearl hesitated long enough for Rose to prompt her gently. “If?”

“If they’ve developed a new production method, or a new model. One that is cheap, quick, and easy enough to produce in sufficient quantities to provide a- a replacement for every pearl lost on the battlefield.” The words kept coming to her with surprising difficulty. The entire war council – what was left of it, at least – was listening to her carefully and intently and _why_ hadn’t she asked to just speak about this with Rose, in private? “Perhaps they’re using a new growing process that guarantees larger numbers and fewer defects. Like it was with the ambers – the onset of highly reliable saltwater farms rendered them obsolete very rapidly.”

Pearl felt a tickle of pride at the way she hadn’t stumbled over a single word just then. Bismuth, however, remained relentless. “Still, why send them all here without even teaching them the basics of combat? None of this makes sense.”

“I think what is really going on is…” Pearl hesitated again and looked away from Bismuth’s questioning expression, eyes instead nervously scanning the room. There was Garnet, in her usual corner, unreadable behind her visor, but still somehow radiating support. Rose, sitting just to the left of her, looking so safe and welcoming even with her worried frown that Pearl had to dig her heels into the ground and remind herself that yes, interrupting her explanation and running over to hide in Rose’s arms would be highly inappropriate. Then – then there was the place where Emerald used to sit. Pearl suppressed a shiver. “I think it’s psychological, more than anything. I think they must have- when they captured me, they sounded so sure, at first, that there was no chance of a rescue attempt, and that information was all I could possibly be good for. But they changed their mind, later – they knew who I was, said there had been reports of the rebel leaders assigning important duties to a pearl. And then… an extraction operation led by Rose Quartz herself? There was no way that could escape notice.”

“So they’re targeting you,” Garnet offered in the following lull, and Pearl nodded, busy trying to keep her hands from working nervously.

“I’ll give an order,” Rose spoke up, all authority. “Any pearl found on the battlefield is to be brought to me, unharmed. Forcing them to retreat into their gems may prove necessary, but I won’t allow our actions to in any way facilitate Homeworld’s senseless waste of life.”

There was a general mumble of agreement, and Rose called the meeting to a close. Pearl felt very little relief.

-

She wanted to rush back to that hot, dusty battlefield and scour every inch of the ground for even a trace of the unsettlingly familiar pale glint - whether round and whole or in shards small enough to slip through her fingers, it didn’t matter. She was prepared to turn over every chunk of every shattered pillar, not stopping until she’d reached a full count, but she _had_ to know how many had been there, even if she couldn’t quite put into words why.

“How are you, Pearl?” The voice washed over her, soothing and tempering and slowing her down like nothing else could. She managed a shrug as Rose approached her in the now empty council room, and couldn’t help but wonder how long Rose had spent watching her agitated pacing before finally choosing to interrupt.

 _Talk to her_ , Garnet always said. And tell her what? Lament the blame Pearl was putting squarely on her own shoulders, even as she knew, on a rational level, it was misplaced? All she could accomplish was add more worries to Rose’s already far too large share of burdens. Perhaps - and there was a brighter thought, finally - perhaps Rose would suggest they fuse, instead, and Pearl would get a taste of that completely otherworldly feeling without having to go through the embarrassing agony of asking.

Rose suggested no such thing, and instead walked towards her and draped an arm around Pearl’s narrow shoulders, drawing her close. Her other hand came up to cradle Pearl’s head, and Pearl couldn’t help but lean in.

The fingers now trailing through her hair were calming, as always, and a much needed reprieve after the stress of the council meeting. Pearl felt more than saw Rose indulge in one final gentle ruffle, then lean over to whisper, a wide smile on her face. “Come with me. I have something to show you.”

-

It was a quick warp back to the seaside temple, a place of many vivid memories - for the both of them, Pearl knew and felt in the way Rose was gripping her hand. The battle seemed like a lifetime ago, but the reconstruction efforts had yet to begin in earnest and change the landscape dramatically enough for it not to dredge up sharp, real-seeming images. The sands had shifted some since she’d last come here, yes, and the shoreline sat differently, but surely that bluff over there was where she’d first felt the searing warmth of Rose’s healing tears on her gem-

She tuned back in just in time to register that Rose was speaking, and resolved there would be time for recollection and musing later. “I’ve finally finished with the restructuring of the dimensional portal. You now have a room here as well, Pearl, keyed to your gem. Only you can access it.”

“And you, of course,” Pearl added as they walked, almost automatically, but Rose shook her head. Pearl frowned. “There’s… an override, surely? In case of…” The words _rebellion_ , _disobedience_ , and _insubordination_ died on her lips.

“There’s nothing, Pearl. I have my room. Ruby and Sapphire will have theirs - to share or use separately, however they or Garnet want. You have yours. No one but you can enter it – not without your permission. Which... I do hope you’ll occasionally grant me?” Rose was still smiling down at her, eyes sparkling, expression genuine and open and reassuring in ways few things could manage to be.

Personal space and privacy. Pearl remembered her quarters back home – no. Back on Homeworld (dangerous thoughts to let stew – it wasn’t and could never again be _home_ , and she knew this very, very well, so why was it sometimes so hard not to forget?). Most pearls had a tiny space to retreat to, often in giant complexes constructed for this very purpose – the one luxury awarded them, perhaps, while they were unassigned. But it was well understood by each of them that their little matchboxes had overrides, making it impossible to lock out superiors, and making it all little more than a big farce.

But this was not like that, and _Rose_ was so resolved and tried so hard not to be anything like that, and Pearl felt a lump forming in her throat.

“You can open it anytime you feel ready,” Rose was obviously excited for her to see it, but was also being gentle with her, careful not to overwhelm with encouragement and nudges - it was a constantly given consideration Pearl was immensely grateful for. Even after all the years, things often just felt like _too much_.

A brief burst of focus was all it took to have the gem on her forehead glow in sync with the polished facet on the door’s surface, and the portal slowly opened. There was nothing there. Before them was a narrow doorway leading into a gaping chasm - an unsettling, dizzying sight. Pearl knew from her readings that portals and pocket dimensions were strange and often volatile, dangerous things, but this was unlike anything she’d heard of, or imagined.

“Rose? What _is_ this?”

Rose was still grinning widely, unperturbed, and almost as if _she_ was the one being given a gift. “Whatever you want it to be.“

Pearl turned away, letting the doors close behind her, feeling more than a little overwhelmed all of a sudden. “I’ll… I’ll need to think about it,” she ground out. The last thing she wanted was to put a damper on Rose’s obvious joy and excitement. “Maybe draw up some ideas when I find the time, or- or a model, to better represent the, er-”

“There’s no rush,” Rose’s arm was around her again, and Pearl felt the nerve-racking flutter of the sheer number of possibilities recede slightly under its weight, finally giving way to strains of genuine excitement of her own. “I’m eager to see what you come up with! You have the most marvellous mind. But... take all the time you need, please. I can wait, and the room is _yours_ , anyway.”

Pearl managed a nod, and shoved aside any niggling thoughts of wars and battles and the undeniable threat of every new day being their last. After all, it wouldn’t take more than one lucky hit, and-

“Would you like to see _my_ room?”

Every bit of distraction from where her mind had decided to head was welcome, and besides, how could she say no, when Rose was offering to share her special, private place, her sanctuary, with Pearl?

Rose needed the distraction, too, of course, even if it was easy to forget, sometimes - and her room seemed happy to provide. Everything was soft and delightfully pink and, well, it might not have been the most creative or surprising use of an easily and near-infinitely modifiable pocket dimension, but it had _Rose_ beautifully written all over it. Pearl took a deep breath of the sweet-scented air and sank back into a convenient cloud, feeling the heavy grimness that kept painfully clawing up her throat finally recede.

The pink sky-dome above them swirled promisingly, and Rose spoke up, somewhat hesitantly, shooting Pearl several brief unsure, sideways looks. “I could have it make some stars for us, if you’d like.” A hand closed gently around Pearl’s left one, resting on her stomach, and a large thumb brushed against it in calming circles. “Whichever ones you want.”

“No,” Pearl answered with a swiftness that surprised even herself, gaze still fixed on the pink clouds playing above her head and waiting for the final word from Rose. “No, I’m fine like this.”

-

It was going very, very badly for them. And no matter what anyone ended up saying - if any of them even managed to get out of this chaos with gems intact enough to say anything ever again - Pearl knew it was due to her own miscalculation.

Her information about the distribution of Homeworld forces had obviously been incorrect and incomplete, yes, and she’d had no way of knowing a sizeable regiment of freshly made amethysts would be present. But even beyond that, her entire plan had badly underestimated the advantage the cresting hillside overlooking the battlefield offered to whoever managed to get to it first. Rose had listened to her suggestion to prioritise getting a foothold on both flanks, and Pearl regretted ever having opened her mouth. Their forces were now effectively split in two, and losses were mounting well over the limit of at all sustainable numbers Pearl constantly kept freshly calculated. Even worse, Rose was nowhere to be seen, and-

Pearl flinched as the gem she’d been barely holding her own against exploded into smoke, a worn-looking but eerily calm and collected Garnet coming into view moments later. “Stay with me, Pearl.”

Pearl dodged a wild blow from the amethyst on her left and danced away into a less crowded patch of the thoroughly trampled field. She used the extra moments she’d won to look around, searching for even a trace of pink. “Where’s-”

“Stay focused, and stay with me!” Garnet repeated, fighting off an impressive amount of opponents at the same time, with remarkably little strain showing in her voice. “Rose will be fine.”

Pearl squashed the vague longing in her chest and made a few stabs in the direction of some amethysts who suddenly seemed reluctant to complete their approach - more due to Garnet than her, probably. “How can you be so sure? What if she needs our help, what if-”

“She’s going to be fine, Pearl!” Garnet barked out, gauntlets crashing mercilessly against the war axe that had been on a downward arc straight for Pearl’s head. “Focus and lend me a hand, or _we_ won’t be!”

No sooner had the words left Garnet’s mouth than a towering citrine burst into the clearing, bearing garish yellow command markings and a thoroughly imposing warhammer, carelessly shoving aside her own troops as she went. Garnet’s reaction was a grunt of what most would have taken for mild annoyance, but with the sharp downward twist of her lips she might as well have been screaming curses in Pearl’s ears. In turn, Pearl took a few unnecessary but efficiently centering breaths, focused on the fact that _Garnet_ needed her right now, and started to circle around the enemy gem while drawing as little attention to herself as possible. It was a maneuver she and Garnet had down to an art by now, and one they both, to varyingly obvious extents, loved showing off, especially in front of Rose.

The awkward, pale form that suddenly stumbled right into her - possibly in an attempt at a tackle - threw off all of Pearl’s calculations and thoroughly wrecked any plans she had for dealing with the remainder of the battle.

She shouldn’t have looked. That was her mistake, Pearl was sure. She should have made quick work of the obviously untrained pearl literally throwing herself at her enemies, pocketed her gem, and turned back to continue assisting Garnet. But she did look, and the force drained out of her swing as her arm stiffened. The other pearl was staring up at her, wide-eyed, shaking, and utterly, utterly terrified - of her, of the raging citrine, of the entire miserable situation they were in - who knew?

“Pearl, keep moving!”

Garnet’s urgent cry cut right through Pearl’s paralysis, and she jumped aside just as the citrine’s warhammer came down.

The other pearl hadn’t moved - a fact that became abundantly clear when the warhammer came up for another blow, its surface dusted with both dirt and speckles of iridescent white.

It felt unreal, for a moment, and Pearl’s hands flew to her forehead, feeling the smooth, rounded surface of her gem while trying to process. No matter how it looked from where she was sprawled on the ground, no matter how easily it could have been, and no matter how the reverberations of the hammer’s impact still ran up and down her spine, _it hadn’t been her_.

Garnet had given up on her help by then, it seemed, and Pearl saw her take the next swing of the hammer head-on. Making sense of things was suddenly hard, but the sight of a small blue Gem where Garnet had been not moments previously cut like an icy knife straight through Pearl’s shock and sent her head spinning. If she squinted, she swore she could see traces of bright, sparkling red on the warhammer as it was hauled to loom above _her_ now.

It was, well, it was a way to go, Pearl supposed, dodging blows the last thing on her mind. She’d hoped that, when her time finally came, it would be at Rose’s side - but none of them had much choice in the matter, and if Rose was safe, far away from this mess- and if _Garnet_ had-

The world erupted in green.

Both the warhammer and its wielder were entangled in thick, thorny vines, immobilised in the blink of an eye, and so were the amethyst troops crowding the former clearing. The wall of brambles ended not even a full step away from where Pearl lay sprawled on the ground - the control involved was truly breathtaking. As was Rose Quartz, making her way through the suddenly frozen battlefield, untouched by any thorn.

“Such a shame, Rose Quartz,” the citrine commander all but spat at her, sneering and straining against her bonds, “to see you waste your time and powers on this pathetic planet.”

“This,” Rose answered, perfectly calm and undeniably deadly, “is the power of Earth. Call for a retreat.”

The commander merely growled in response, right as a few amethysts armed with war axes managed to hack themselves free of the vines and stumble back to their feet. Rose barely spared them a glance and the brambles were upon them again, this time not pausing to merely restrain them.

“Call for a retreat,” Rose repeated as the smoke from a dozen Gems’ physical forms being crushed started to clear.

The citrine commander had finally gotten the message, it seemed, and shouted for her troops to fall back - joining them as soon as Rose chose to allow her to. They were gone in what felt like no time at all, almost falling over one another in their hurry to get away. Rose watched them disappear from sight, expression inscrutable even to Pearl as she shakily pulled herself to her feet.

Then, as the horizon cleared, Rose’s entire demeanour seemed to change with a sharp cry of _Ruby!_ , and she rushed away. Her sword fell to the ground, forgotten behind her. Pearl followed, hanging back a bit, feeling guilt tearing at her more and more. Something was obviously wrong - no flash of light after a miraculous healing came, even as Rose stood hunched over what the small blue Gem from earlier - Sapphire, undoubtedly - was presenting to her.

“I need… I...” Rose’s face was scrunched up in a pained expression that sent unpleasant jolts to Pearl’s very core, but her eyes remained dry. She let out a tired, frustrated, tearless sob. “I’m so sorry, Sapphire, _Ruby_ , I can’t… I… I need some time.”

Rose stepped away and leaned down to pick her sword back up, free hand rubbing at her eyes, and left without another word to either of them.

“I’m sorry.”

The words sounded feeble even to Pearl’s own ears. Sapphire turned to face her with a look that seemed to pierce, even from behind messy bangs, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge the apology. Her focus quickly returned to the red gem in her hands.

“I-” Pearl began again, weakly, and Sapphire’s hands clenched tighter, as if her strength could force the deep crack in Ruby’s gem to seal back up. “I never wanted to meet you like this.”

Sapphire didn’t acknowledge her at all, and Pearl turned to make her way out of the newly sprouted thorny labyrinth, utterly defeated.

-

Five days later, Ruby was still not back, and neither was Garnet - but Rose was, and Pearl was thankful, even as a persistent lead weight seemed to settle on her shoulders.

“Ruby’s gem is fine. Sapphire is with her, in her room. They’ll be back with us as soon as she regenerates, I’m sure.” There were gentle fingers playing with her hair again, but Pearl couldn’t manage to allow them to soothe her. “It’s fine, Pearl. None of us are infallible, and your track record is better than most. Nobody blames you.”

Rose’s words felt hollow, and Pearl let the _but **I** do_ remain unsaid. She gave Rose what she hoped was a passable enough excuse as to why she was staying in the training arena after the end of their regular evening sparring session - the most forced and dreary one they’d ever had. Something about needing to brush up on certain simple falchion forms, and Rose was busy, anyway, so no need to bother her and waste her time with such basic things, it was purely a matter of repetition and-

A quick kiss, a murmured _Until later, my dear,_ the sound of a warp pad activating, and Pearl was alone.

She retrieved another sword from her gem – a dangerously curved blade, meticulously maintained, as all her weapons were. Then, she focused a brief wave of energy into her gem, let it flow out with a familiar tingle, and guided it to slowly build up an eerily glowing replica of herself. With one last burst of concentration, she gave it somewhat limited autonomy. The hologram stared back at her, still unnervingly still, until Pearl handed it the spare sword. The holo-pearl came to life almost immediately upon having the hilt placed before it, taking up the blade and entering a flawless opening stance.

Taking a few steps backwards, Pearl readied her own sword, and called out her order in a decisive almost-bark. “Begin duel.”

She made disappointingly quick work of her holographic opponent and stopped counting her wins after the twelfth one. The other pearls were untrained, true, but they were also desperate, and facing them would be a challenge unlike any Pearl had encountered before. This simply wasn’t measuring up, and no matter their intentions, fighting someone who bore your face was never easy - especially, Pearl found, when the one thought running through your head was _it’s not their fault_.

Pearl recalled her hologram and rebalanced its capabilities until it seemed like it would pose an actual threat, then fought on, well into the night.

-

She’d stripped down Emerald’s personal computer and communication devices down to the last feebly wired component, and found herself wishing that the other pearl, not-Emerald’s-anymore pearl, could be there to see.

Perhaps- perhaps she could be. An idea was starting to take form in Pearl’s mind as she lightly ran the tips of her fingers over the neon green of the unlocked datastream, a thought that she found she quite liked. There was a wealth of files there to be sorted through, after all, and a helping hand wouldn’t come amiss. They hadn’t exactly started off on the right foot, true, but maybe, if she was given another chance, she might convince the other pearl of her intentions. A collaboration, instead of a callous and inconsiderate pumping for information. An understanding.

Just as she was thinking of scheduling another visit, the header of the most recent file on Emerald’s freshly unlocked stack caught Pearl’s eye.

_To White Diamond. Find attached: Records of an entity by the name of Rose Quartz interfering with pearl production facilities in sector B, facet 8. Activities focused primarily on disrupting recycling procedures in Pier 24._

Pearl felt a strange prickling feeling settle in her gut as that familiar number played on the screen before her eyes, but forced herself to open the full document and read on.

_Rose Quartz fraternises with the lower classes with some regularity, shows personal attachment to pearls, and has an extensive history of interest in the pearl model. Strategic use of pearl units in combat could lead to several beneficial outcomes - advise sending a test batch as soon as possible._

It had been a plan to get to _Rose_ all along. Pearl wanted to laugh, but found that tears came far more freely. It wasn’t about her and it never had been - and what a completely far-fetched delusion, that with the lives of so many pearls on the line, it could actually be about a _pearl_.

Just like that, a flood was unleashed in her mind. Was that what Pearl was, in the end? A pet? A project? A plaything just like… like one of Rose’s humans? Were humans to be the new pearls, since they already fascinated Rose so much? _Personal attachment?_ Rose had started a war over them, after all. And where was Rose, anyway? Off somewhere with her most recent human, probably. _Did Rose even care?_

It hurt to even think that, after everything, this could be so easily called into question. And Garnet - Garnet would say _talk to her_ , of course, but Garnet wasn’t there, and Pearl doubted she’d ever want to speak to her again, anyway.

It all made horrible, horrible sense, now. The many chances she’d seemingly been given, the easy acceptance of her going outside any chain of command… Rose had _wanted_ her to. _Of course I’ve seen your records, of course I’ve seen your defective status, of course…_

One thought remained, in the end, as Pearl sat curled against the terminal, bathed in a sickly green glow: no matter how hard she’d tried to tear away from it all, she was just as easily replaceable as she’d always been made to believe.

-

Pearl supposed she just wanted to see someone who could come close to understanding.

“Oh, Rose’s pearl,” was how her knock on the barracks door was answered, in lieu of a greeting. “What do you want now?”

“I’m not her pearl,” she ground out, trying to keep her bitterness at bay, and attempting to keep her hostility away from innocent and undeserving targets.

The other pearl seemed a bit taken aback at that rather forceful statement. “Really? That’s new. You two seem very… close. And with what you said last time, I was certain your assignment-”

“No, I’m not assigned to anybody. I’m a defective unit and I was sent to Earth as a maintenance technician. Then I just… tagged along.”

Emerald’s pearl frowned at her, but didn’t say anything else. It was unfair, perhaps, to keep calling her _Emerald’s_. Pearl decided to get to the point - or, at least, her main excuse for being where she was.

“We’ve captured some pearls, over the last few battles. They’ll be regenerating soon, and I was hoping… I was hoping you could help me help them.”

She received another frown in response - but a more thoughtful one, this time.

“Come on in.”

-

Another battle came, as they always did - and always would, as it now felt, more often than not.

There was another White Diamond-marked pearl before her, struggling to hold up a sword far too large for her, and Pearl felt overwhelmingly tired. “I don’t want to fight you,” she offered, dully.

“I don’t want to fight you, either,” the other pearl replied in a small voice, as if terrified someone would hear - but jumped, suddenly, as Rose Quartz herself appeared before them both. The pearl’s demeanour changed almost instantly, and she rushed at what Pearl now knew was her designated priority target.

In what felt like a move from a very familiar dance, Pearl intercepted the blow. The impact of the wild, heavy swing travelled down her arms and twisted the sword out of her shaky grip, and the large blade continued downwards, but Pearl didn’t move. She heard a cry from Rose, as if from very far away, and then nothing.

-

She was met with a stormy frown the moment she emerged from her gem in what seemed to be one of the main tents - it meant she hadn’t taken too long, at least. Small mercies.

“Where is this coming from again?” Rose, too, wasted no time, sounding truly upset. “I thought- I thought we were making progress, that we’d agreed-”

“You could at least let me be useful to you!”

The outburst was obviously not the argument Rose had expected at all. “I- What?”

Pearl felt her face heat up a deep blue, her hands shake as she clenched them into fists, and finally gave in to the flood of words burning her throat. “All this time! You- you just wanted a pearl to prove a point - any pearl would do, but a defective one was even better! At the very least you could let me be an actual asset, after all the trouble you went through!”

“An asset? Is that what you think you are? Pearl, what has gotten into-”

For once, Rose’s interruptions felt as if they barely touched her. “I saw it! I saw- Emerald had files. I read all about what you did. Stopping them from recycling defects - _incidentally,_ exactly where I was made! - “fraternising with the lower classes”, displaying _personal attachment_ -”

“Pearl! Pearl, stop! You’re right, I interfered - but you had potential, so much of it, and it was just going to go to terrible waste. I couldn’t let that happen, I couldn’t let them just… snuff it out.”

“ _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ”

“I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything, I just- wanted us to start off on equal footing, that’s all.” Rose Quartz, one of the most powerful Gems in existence, leader of a rebellion against her own kind, sounded… meek? And all Pearl could do was bark out a bitter laugh at her idea of _equal footing_.

“You know, it all makes sense now. Why you made me your chief engineer – I’d always wondered about that. I had no qualifications- can I even _have_ qualifications? What a ridiculous thought. And you did it after one conversation! No offense, of course, but who _does_ that?” Pearl laughed again, a hot, painful coil tightening in her chest, feeling like it was burning her from the inside out. “You just wanted a… a vanity project, an experiment.”

“Pearl, no, it’s not like that at all! Please, listen to me-”

There was the warhammer, coming down on her, iridescent shards glinting on it. “I’m… I might as well have been any other pearl.”

“ _Yes!_ ”

The confirmation, where she’d have expected another increasingly desperate denial, shocked Pearl into silence. Rose grasped with both hands at the chance to explain. “Yes, you could have been any other pearl. I would have helped any one of them who tried, or asked. And I _will_ help them, all of them - any pearl we retrieve from the battlefield, and any other Gem, too. I want them to have a chance, like every creature has here on Earth.”

“Well, I suppose I still owe you thanks,” Pearl murmured after a brief while, words cutting through the heavy silence like one of her swords. “At least for a little while, I thought I was actually somebody.”

She shrugged off any attempts Rose made at contact, and all but ran outside. The evening air was cool on her flushed cheeks, and she suddenly became aware of the dampness of tears on her face - tears of overwhelmed frustration, rage, disappointment, who could even tell? She cried far too much, Pearl decided, scrubbing at her face angrily.

The silence was interrupted by the tent flap swishing closed as Rose came out after her.

“Fuse with me,” Rose blurted out, almost desperately, and Pearl felt a perverse sort of pride at how well she bit back the _yes_ \- that immediately bubbled up in her throat. “I can’t convince you with words, and I’m sorry I never talked to you about any of it- it was unfair and wrong of me, and I apologise, and you are under no obligation to ever forgive me. But please, give me a chance to try and show you what _I_ see.”

Pearl didn’t fail to register the irony thick in the air, the way she had within her grasp what she’d wanted for so long, offered to her in a way she’d never asked for. And she never, ever thought she’d see Rose Quartz, of all Gems, _beg -_ and beg _her_. Really, though, what did she have to lose?

A familiar, soft hand was extended to her in open invitation. “Dance with me? But,” Rose stopped, suddenly hesitant and more unsure than Pearl had ever seen her about anything, “only if you want to. Please. I’m sorry if I pushed you into things, and if I keep pushing. I never meant to...”

Pearl sighed, took the hand offered her, and danced. It felt a bit surprising, how easy it still was to blend together.

She’d never stopped to truly consider what Rose brought into the fusion – there had hardly been time to consider anything, really, in the heat of battle. But what she could see and feel now was almost overwhelming: the immense weight of so, so many lives pressing down on her and depending on her - or merely surrounding her; a sea of voices and existences, all unique and separate, no matter how close together some of them seemed at first glance. And herself – or, rather, Pearl’s self – noticeable at once even in that bright jumble, standing out in a way that hardly seemed possible. A bright presence, crowning a hill, incredibly imposing for such a small, lithe frame, not a sign of fragility anywhere on her. Raising a standard, striking fear into the hearts of enemies and lending much needed hope to allies. And lending so much more even beyond that to her - or Rose’s - own heart.

That can’t have been _her_ , there was no way-

The sheer disbelief jolted them apart, and Pearl came back to herself only to find she was inelegantly draped over Rose’s lap.

“What you said back there,” Rose began quietly, a subdued continuation of her impassioned words from earlier, “I… I might have thought things like that before, I won’t deny it. I wanted to be a hero, a saviour, whether anyone wanted me to interfere or not. I may not understand some things, still, and maybe I’ll never be able to. But I want to try, and I’d like to think I’ve come a long way since then. Just as you have.”

Pearl swallowed and nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She still felt like her head was spinning, like everything was spinning, and she was still caught in a twirl halfway between herself and Rainbow Quartz.

“I’m sorry - I think I’ve mishandled things in every way I possibly could have, and you’re the one who always ends up hurt. But, for what it’s worth, I also want you to know that in the end, I didn’t fall in love with _a pearl_ , or even with the idea of saving someone. I fell in love with _you_.”

“I-” Pearl tried for words, but none really seemed to want to come - and Rose was always so entrancingly good with them! - so she merely leaned into the hand now cupping her cheek, and listened to what else Rose had to say.

“We can learn and grow together, can’t we? Make ourselves- and make Rainbow Quartz- something new, and beautiful, and special.”

There was nothing more breathtaking than Rose when she talked with such deep conviction. _Oh_ , Pearl thought, _you already are_ -

“And so are you,” Rose offered, a small smile on her lips even as her eyes remained serious.

Pearl realised she had no idea what she was or wasn’t saying out loud anymore, and everything suddenly seemed entirely pathetic, and deeply embarrassing. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all this... with me and my…” She made a vague gesture that couldn’t possibly hope to encompass all her shortcomings. “You should have someone better, and stop wasting your time on me.”

“No,” Rose was adamant. “I’ll gladly deal with all of it - and you - every day, Pearl. You’re not a burden to me, please believe me. And I don’t want better - I want you, just as you are.”

Pearl threw her arms around Rose in reply, and felt her first smile against her shoulder, then sniffle and let out a quiet, breathy _Oh, I missed this._

“Rose,” Pearl pulled back, gazing at her questioningly and lifting a hand to brush away the fresh tears. “Our… disagreement… didn’t even last a full hour.”

“I know,” Rose mumbled, pulling her back into an almost-crushing hug. “But the days before, when you were… Besides, even an hour is too long. And I thought, for a moment, that you’d _never_ \- I was so very scared I would lose you.”

Pearl hugged tighter in response, relishing the simple closeness. “There isn’t a single thing I would change about you,” came Rose’s murmur, still pressed into the hollow of Pearl’s shoulder.

Then, unbidden, a giggle came bubbling up Pearl’s throat, and she couldn’t stop it. “Garnet would be so proud.”

“What?” Rose’s confusion and puzzled gaze on a freshly tear-blotched face seemed very endearing, suddenly, and Pearl pressed her forehead to Rose’s own.

“She’s always on my case about, well, talking to you. And I finally listened to her! With some shouting, admittedly, at first, but-” Pearl trailed off, enthusiasm visibly waning. “I miss her.”

“I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

The attempt at reassurance was sweet, Pearl couldn’t deny. “But,” she bit her lip, and frowned. “I really made a mess of things.”

“It’s a war, Pearl, a very ugly war. Everything is a mess.” The air felt heavier, somehow. With a sigh, Rose seemed to wilt under the weight of responsibility and blame. They sat on, still, clinging to each other.

“Rose?” Pearl piped up, finally, feeling as if she’d been scrounging up the courage for years.

“Hm?”

A wide, nervous grin came over her face, and Pearl managed to blurt out her request, at long last. “Fuse with me?”

Rose beamed back, clouds of her recent dark musings clearing up from her expression. “I thought you’d never ask.”

This time, Rainbow Quartz was born from a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> For questions and notes about the fic, with the occasional chapter preview and commentary, visit me on [Tumblr](http://oathkeeper-of-tarth.tumblr.com/).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [the stars are different here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589919) by [airamcg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/airamcg/pseuds/airamcg)




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